Last year's post on my forthcoming 38th birthday was pretty good, according to my readers, including quoting Carrie Bradshaw! "Your 30s are for the lessons" and boy, have I learned mine.
I have been 39 years old for almost a week now... My, how time flies. :)
Since the last year of the decade for yours truly to be known as a "thirtysomething" has kicked into gear I will write the obligatory, and hopefully, meaningful reflection. However, it will not without its fare share of mixed emotions as I think back at all the events of the year's past.
After nursing a few wounds that only those of us, that rare and unique species known as "phenomenal women, single mom's that can kick Wonder Woman' ass any day because we have been put down, emotionally abused and crushed, yet we find the inner strength to get OURSELVES up, by ourselves, for ourselves and our kids and dare to move on" understand, I realized one important lesson: there is life after "whatever."
For a minute there I felt the post turning sad and negative. Ummmm, NO! Negative thoughts, feelings, words, are not in my core. True, I'll have a bad day, we all do. We all have unfortunate close encounters of the nasty kind when we are faced with dealing with lovely folks that can only see ugly. Poor souls. Think about it, we are all tempted, sometimes stalked by loneliness, insecurity and sadness. So what... we are human, we feel. Bad comes with the good, and yes, good comes with the bad.
Well, shooooo, go away! We have one thing in our favor: choice. I know it's harder for some than others, but let's choose to pick our battles, our words, our actions. Boy, have I had to walk away from projectile vomiting (sorry for the visual! ;)) words expressing exactly what I am feeling when addressed in a hurtful, allegedly unintentional way. Haven't we all had to? I think, yes. Walking away is often the best way to put an end to "whatever" and then consider for one moment the open canvas of possibilities in life after "whatever." I liked my odds! And you what, it starts today...
Today I woke up and after making the huge mistake of checking my email only to respond with a lough UGH upon reading a specific message, I said to myself: only Colbie Callait can help me this morning. I turned on Pandora and wouldn't you know it but "Think Good Thoughts" came on. It is a lovely song that should perhaps be played every morning for eternity. I closed my eyes and listened.
Today we admit the daily grind can be a pain in the ass, right? Universally, I believe that the best way to get through the "stuff" that may turn our skies from sunny to cloudy is to focus on something good. Let's keep it simple, folks, I am not planning to change your life with this entry.
Today, I smiled because my anti-wrinkle cream is working! Hey, for someone who is pushing 40 this is HUGE!! LOL
Today I smiled because I looked at my calendar and had a meeting to debrief strategies on ways to engage alumni in China--I know, I am a nerd, but this makes me happy!
Today I am excited because my son plays Geppetto in the local community center's rendition of Pinnocchio. Hey, that's a big role! This kid loves to ad lib, though. Who knows what may come out of Geppetto's mouth, but I can't wait! :)
Today, I heard a guitar strum over the phone played by a boy who makes me laugh!
Today, I give thanks for my family, who challenges me as much as it loves me, although I feel at times they love me a little too much. ;)
Today I pray for my friend, whose husband is very ill and they begin a very steep, uphill battle to "whatever." Let's keep those prayers coming, everyone.
Today, my wish for you all is that you do what so many are doing, pick and CHOOSE one little thing that makes you smile, that brings you joy. It will make TODAY even more special than any birthday you celebrate...for it's today, a regular today and not an excuse for "whatever." Every day is precious, make today count.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
Nature calls...
I close my eyes... Crack, shush, whizzzzz, is what I hear. I
am not doing justice to the sound of dusk as it comes comfortably accompanied
by gusts of wind on a chilly October night. It is the eve of all Hallows,
October 31, 2013, or as some of us classic movie geeks will refer to as
“Neewollah.” Google 1956 films and you’ll get this trivia clue.
Sitting on the deck, outside a log cabin in the middle-Ohio
hills, smelling the fire burning right behind me, yet waiting for the rain to
cease so the bonfire outside can be lit, I am thankful. I am also remembering.
Winter of 1994 came with a bang. During what was recorded as one of
the coldest February’s in Dayton, this college sophomore, after surviving a
heart-break, made a decision. For most of the summer I was going to be a camp
counselor in the Shenandoah Valley, Virginia. Those who knew me wondered in
bewilderment, for I had never gone to camp as a kid, nor was known as the
“outdoorsy” type. Just ask my father or my aunt if you don’t believe me. So, there I was with no real desire to “go home”
to the beach, my family or friends. I wanted to do something different.
Was I certified as a lifeguard? No. Had I ever gone camping, overnight,in the
woods? No. Would I have ever considered rock-climbing ? Do you really know me?
:) Still, I said, yes.
Camp Horizons was a one hour drive from D.C., off highway 81. That
summer I learned to really, truly, and clearly, listen to nature... Every
morning, the early walk to the man building from the cabins allowed for the
birds to sing to me. The sunshine peaking through the woods heating up the wet
ground constantly reminded me to lighten up and be ok with wet toes. :)
Something happened to me that summer. I connected with God
in a very spiritual way and it was all due to the beauty of nature I witnessed.
The mountains, the lake, the trails, the stars at night painting the darkness
with what only can be described as a Pollock type stroke. That summer I learned
to appreciate being outside, to sleep by a fire, to stare at the sky...until I
fell asleep.
On an unusually chilly July morning, the task at hand was to
learn to climb a tree, go on a few ropes that connected tree branch to tree
branch, so one could then climb onto a platform very high above us. Did I say I had to
climb a tree?? Once on the platform I
had to walk on the ropes, one foot in front of the next, so on and so forth.
When I reached the next tree I had to climb to another platform and from then
unhook my harness from the ropes to a zip line and let go... I zipped line my
way to the bottom of the hill in the most exhilarating moment I can only
describe as “I think I can fly!”
Summer ‘94 lead to summer ’95. I was a skilled counselor and
instead of a 2 day hike, went on 4 and 5 day hikes. Our crew hiked, climbed rocks
together, sang together and even hid from a black bear together. The kids loved
it; adults even more! My fellow counselors, from near and far, became some of
the most treasured friends I still keep in touch with.
Those summers in the Shenandoah Valley, in Harrisonburg,
Virginia, after hiked part of the internationally known Appalachian Trail, I also learned to look at myself in a more natural way. T’was the
first time I purposely wore no make-up for 2 months and actually said out loud
words along the lines of “I don’t care how I look.” Now those of you who know
me, understand that I do indeed care about how I look. I take care of myself,
work out, and eat well- for the most part. However, the superficial “stress” of
having to put “on a face,” a slab of make-up in order to look “better” or “prettier”
was gone. I was cool with how I looked, with who I was.
Here’s the point of this entry: I had forgotten. So fifteen
years ago, or so, I had a lovely, very close encounter of the nature kind, but
I forgot all about it. I forgot how it felt. I forgot how that experience
helped me a year later give a talk at a retreat for my friends and classmates.
It was my first retreat talk and it was all about finding God in nature... how
I found God in nature. How could I have forgotten?
Well, life happened. Careers happen, family happens and a
city life happened with not much motivation to remember. For one that had a
transformative experience, amnesia happened and I forgot it all...
Thanks to the nudge to explore again, to hike and to be in
commune with the Divine Creator, suddenly, I remembered.
Last week I hiked to Old Man’s Cave, in Hocking Hills, Ohio.
Or is it “the” Hocking Hills? I am not sure. All I know is that I couldn’t
decide if the scenery was magnificent or majestic. Special, beautiful and well
preserved it was. It was the last week in October and the fall foliage was at
its peak. The reds, oranges, yellows were bright and stayed true to their form
beating the browns in order to stick around a little longer. The greens are
still out but only for a few more weeks before Old Man Winter comes to knock
most of the color down, yet hopefully, bring us crisp, sunny, yet cold days
were white snow covers all.
The falls broke silence as the water hit the rocks and
splashed on the ground. The air was humid, yet we trekked along. Uphill,
downhill, hiking along, the beauty of the hills was breathtaking. Thank you, I
kept saying... thank you, I kept praying.
Our adventure came to a close when we exposed my 11 year old
son to the great outdoors. Four hours of what we described as “hard core”
hiking and the kid only said “on ward” with his walking stick, leading the way.
He couldn’t have said it best: “Today was exhausting, but it was awesome!”
Stopping once for a snack consisting of bananas, almonds, granola bars and
crackers, this kid was a champion.
This entry is a love note to the hills, the trails and the
trees we hugged, we have climbed and to the sky we have admired both in
daylight and at night. It is for the bonfires and the smell of smoke on our
clothes, in our hair (LOL!) and for the smore’s we still need to make!
I thank the heartbreak experienced in February of 1994, for it brought me to nature and it taught me how to make a steak and potato hobo meal in the fire. :)
This
note is also in thanksgiving for the beauty of our land, whatever land you call
yours, be it the ocean or the mountains. May we get out more often and literally
take time to smell the flowers.
ADDENDUM: March, 2014. It's been 3 months since this post. I went hiking last Saturday. It was a gorgeous day and the kid and I savoured every minute of it. Lesson learned here is that I allowed these memories to disappear at the time when they seemed pointless in my life and no one respected they were mine. My memories, my experience and my life. I stress and invite others to take the time to remember... Remember a transformative experience, a summer job, a book you read, a movie that changed your life. Hold on to it. Don't forget it happened, especially if it mean so much and shaped who you are as a person, a faith-filled person as I continue to strive to be every day.
ADDENDUM: March, 2014. It's been 3 months since this post. I went hiking last Saturday. It was a gorgeous day and the kid and I savoured every minute of it. Lesson learned here is that I allowed these memories to disappear at the time when they seemed pointless in my life and no one respected they were mine. My memories, my experience and my life. I stress and invite others to take the time to remember... Remember a transformative experience, a summer job, a book you read, a movie that changed your life. Hold on to it. Don't forget it happened, especially if it mean so much and shaped who you are as a person, a faith-filled person as I continue to strive to be every day.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Goodbyes bring change, change brings goodbye- part deux!
Almost a year ago I began this journey of the epistolary kind... For years, I didn't know what to do with all the thoughts in my head, all the experienced lived, all the perspective gained. Now, I write it out and am blessed that so many can either relate or learn from what I whole-heartedly share.
One of my most popular posts was "Goodbyes bring change, change brings goodbyes." Almost a year later, I come full circle..
Maybe we don't realize this, but as time passes us by, each minute, each moment, "things" end. When we get up in the morning, our rest time ends and we must face a new day. When we get ready, our prep time ends, then when we go to work, our commute ends. Events, experiences happen to us and they end. All things, like life, I guess, have an ending of some sort. Now, before you think I am taking a tone much contradictory to my usual positive one focused on the ending of all basic life experiences in our days, bare with me and think again.
Meetings end (thank goodness!;)), projects end, relationships and responsibilities (unless you are a parent, like some of us) end. However, what I have appreciated the most is not the terminal notion of all things ending, wait for it... Actually, nor the fact that pain, too, ends- (thank goodness, again!) and at a given time, that is the best thing to happen. The best part of the ending is in my opinion the processing, the whys, the hows, the whens... the understanding of that very ending as part of life's journey. Why did that relationship end? When did I realize that I was done with carrying that grudge? How did I not see the signs pointing to the forthcoming end of this project and what would that "end" bring? Food for thought, right?
So, now what? What do you do with these questions? What do you do with these endings? I hope you can do what I have done... After the mourning of the loss of "whatever"---OK, so I don't necessarily mourn the daily loss of my daily commute, but I sure don't like pulling into the parking lot and have to turn off my music--- I pause and take a deep breath and accept. I accept, albeit not voluntarily at times, that things are different; the very ending ended. That's it. Deal with it. Suck it up.
Aha! But wait, something new will come next. After years of wondering what changed in the friendship with one of my gal pals, I realized that because I had gone through a divorce, an ending of my own, she too struggled with "what to do with me" and how to deal with that ending. Ha! Funny, how we go through something like that, a big break-up, a move, and don't even think twice how it could affect some people. Not that other people should influence your decisions. That is not my point, but the consequences of our decisions do indeed affect others, at different levels, but they do.
When a co-worker and I had a misunderstanding our relationship was affected. Something did end, but we were able to learn from it. While things are not the same, the newness of how to handle whatever comes next, we are ready. That process of "ending" and accepting, has helped move us forward.
In a nutshell, endings or "goodbyes" do bring change and change does indeed bring goodbyes. A change in jobs means the daily routine is different, so goodbye daily trips to the coffee machine at 3 p.m. Goodbye to my favorite group of people, retreat planners and youth ministers, so change came in my weekly email exchanges and focus on time zones. It's OK. It's part of life.
With each ending, comes a new beginning. With a goodbye, a new hello. With a heart-break, newly found strength you didn't know you had. With the end of loneliness, a new heart full of love and hope.
May each of you find the newness and the fresh start of everything that ENDS in your life. I just did.
One of my most popular posts was "Goodbyes bring change, change brings goodbyes." Almost a year later, I come full circle..
Maybe we don't realize this, but as time passes us by, each minute, each moment, "things" end. When we get up in the morning, our rest time ends and we must face a new day. When we get ready, our prep time ends, then when we go to work, our commute ends. Events, experiences happen to us and they end. All things, like life, I guess, have an ending of some sort. Now, before you think I am taking a tone much contradictory to my usual positive one focused on the ending of all basic life experiences in our days, bare with me and think again.
Meetings end (thank goodness!;)), projects end, relationships and responsibilities (unless you are a parent, like some of us) end. However, what I have appreciated the most is not the terminal notion of all things ending, wait for it... Actually, nor the fact that pain, too, ends- (thank goodness, again!) and at a given time, that is the best thing to happen. The best part of the ending is in my opinion the processing, the whys, the hows, the whens... the understanding of that very ending as part of life's journey. Why did that relationship end? When did I realize that I was done with carrying that grudge? How did I not see the signs pointing to the forthcoming end of this project and what would that "end" bring? Food for thought, right?
So, now what? What do you do with these questions? What do you do with these endings? I hope you can do what I have done... After the mourning of the loss of "whatever"---OK, so I don't necessarily mourn the daily loss of my daily commute, but I sure don't like pulling into the parking lot and have to turn off my music--- I pause and take a deep breath and accept. I accept, albeit not voluntarily at times, that things are different; the very ending ended. That's it. Deal with it. Suck it up.
Aha! But wait, something new will come next. After years of wondering what changed in the friendship with one of my gal pals, I realized that because I had gone through a divorce, an ending of my own, she too struggled with "what to do with me" and how to deal with that ending. Ha! Funny, how we go through something like that, a big break-up, a move, and don't even think twice how it could affect some people. Not that other people should influence your decisions. That is not my point, but the consequences of our decisions do indeed affect others, at different levels, but they do.
When a co-worker and I had a misunderstanding our relationship was affected. Something did end, but we were able to learn from it. While things are not the same, the newness of how to handle whatever comes next, we are ready. That process of "ending" and accepting, has helped move us forward.
In a nutshell, endings or "goodbyes" do bring change and change does indeed bring goodbyes. A change in jobs means the daily routine is different, so goodbye daily trips to the coffee machine at 3 p.m. Goodbye to my favorite group of people, retreat planners and youth ministers, so change came in my weekly email exchanges and focus on time zones. It's OK. It's part of life.
With each ending, comes a new beginning. With a goodbye, a new hello. With a heart-break, newly found strength you didn't know you had. With the end of loneliness, a new heart full of love and hope.
May each of you find the newness and the fresh start of everything that ENDS in your life. I just did.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Tell me what you want, exactly what you want!
Some of us operate in "big picture" mode. We are macro, we think out of the box while connecting the dots. We sometimes do pay attention to detail, but it's because it is clearly defined and part of a set process and procedure. It supports the big picture. The details are part of the journey in order to reach the bigger goal...
We are global minded and focus on how what we are doing affects and impacts the goals, mission and vision of whatever. We have faith. We believe that a conversation is an investment and the fruits of that investment take time to grow and be nourished. We are team players. We need to be, if not we fail.
We are leaders and empower others to lead with us. Why? Because we collectively believe in the task at hand. The task, you may ask, can be daunting. Indeed. Why take it on with a pessimistic outlook and pretend one person can take it on by themselves and then put others down when the task proves to be challenging?
In attempting to make sense at how some of us, individuals who thrive in a structured environment, may seem to contradict the very essence of what being "big picture" means, I will keep it very simple.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!
I work with volunteers. I recruit, train and manage them. I am Ms. Big Picture. Our goal is XXX and I have had to learn, in various, different adorations of my career development to be as detailed as possible. Oh, not for my sake, but for them. When you manage a group of people, be it a retreat team, a planning committee, a fundraising group, may I offer a word of advice: be as clear and specific as possible. If you need X, then make sure those who you expect X to come from, know that if you add A and B you'll get C and that will lead to X, eventually. Give deadlines, set expectations.
Sigh....... PAUSE for exhaustion.
Yes, it's exhausting! Why? Because it is not in my nature to create all things detailed. I am a creative extrovert, that while flirting with the introvert in me, often desperately miss the back to back appointments, classes (taken and taught) and structured daily schedule. Don't get me wrong, I would die without variety and the occasional change in routine. What I am saying is that our fantastic, creative mind needs to be anchored in structured. The structure is the anchor, the stability.
So, in conclusion, and as my friends have learned sometimes in very comical ways as one that is thinking big and planning ahead, when you need me, tell me what you want, exactly what you want. I promise to drop what I am doing to focus on that. Give me a deadline. I need it! I love to work under pressure... hahaha... I know, I know. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I tell you what, if you sell me your proyect and need something specific from me and I am on board, we both win! Give me a project with a vision and a structure I will run with it. But please, as I have to learn to do with working with others, be specific and tell me what you want. My colleagues, friends and team members I have worked with, appreciate it from me... and I NEED it from you all. :)
We are global minded and focus on how what we are doing affects and impacts the goals, mission and vision of whatever. We have faith. We believe that a conversation is an investment and the fruits of that investment take time to grow and be nourished. We are team players. We need to be, if not we fail.
We are leaders and empower others to lead with us. Why? Because we collectively believe in the task at hand. The task, you may ask, can be daunting. Indeed. Why take it on with a pessimistic outlook and pretend one person can take it on by themselves and then put others down when the task proves to be challenging?
In attempting to make sense at how some of us, individuals who thrive in a structured environment, may seem to contradict the very essence of what being "big picture" means, I will keep it very simple.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!
I work with volunteers. I recruit, train and manage them. I am Ms. Big Picture. Our goal is XXX and I have had to learn, in various, different adorations of my career development to be as detailed as possible. Oh, not for my sake, but for them. When you manage a group of people, be it a retreat team, a planning committee, a fundraising group, may I offer a word of advice: be as clear and specific as possible. If you need X, then make sure those who you expect X to come from, know that if you add A and B you'll get C and that will lead to X, eventually. Give deadlines, set expectations.
Sigh....... PAUSE for exhaustion.
Yes, it's exhausting! Why? Because it is not in my nature to create all things detailed. I am a creative extrovert, that while flirting with the introvert in me, often desperately miss the back to back appointments, classes (taken and taught) and structured daily schedule. Don't get me wrong, I would die without variety and the occasional change in routine. What I am saying is that our fantastic, creative mind needs to be anchored in structured. The structure is the anchor, the stability.
So, in conclusion, and as my friends have learned sometimes in very comical ways as one that is thinking big and planning ahead, when you need me, tell me what you want, exactly what you want. I promise to drop what I am doing to focus on that. Give me a deadline. I need it! I love to work under pressure... hahaha... I know, I know. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I tell you what, if you sell me your proyect and need something specific from me and I am on board, we both win! Give me a project with a vision and a structure I will run with it. But please, as I have to learn to do with working with others, be specific and tell me what you want. My colleagues, friends and team members I have worked with, appreciate it from me... and I NEED it from you all. :)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Plot twist!
I recently saw a posting from Elizabeth Gilbert's Facebook page that said: "When something in your life goes wrong, stop and yell "PLOT TWIST"and move on!"
Elizabeth Gilbert, for those who don't recognize the name, is the best selling author of "Eat, Pray, Love" and if you know me well, I have shared with you how much that very novel eerily mirrored a very low point in my life. At the same time, Liz' story echoed and helped me channel feelings, thoughts and experiences I was living myself. When describing how much this book changed my outlook on life, a relative said to me that "it was the most selfish novel she had ever read", put it down and didn't even finish it. My question: Is it selfish to examine your life at a crossroads and make what at the time is the best decision to get out of an unhealthy environment? Then, for once in my life, call me selfish.
This is not an ode to Liz Gilbert's writing, life-changing a-ha moment in Shangri-La. This is about how we are constantly faced with situations, challenges, hurdles, in essence, life. Life happens. If it didn't, we'd be dead, right? Duh... ;) So, I take a moment, to again, reflect on the last few days.
As long as I can remember I have been complimented with having a positive outlook on life. I look up and again insist on God (yeah, YOU!) having a pretty twisted sense of humor. ;) OK, I'll bite. I am always seeing, and if it doesn't come easy, I dig, dig and keep digging, until I find the positive in a situation. I cry, I run and burn my loud PUERTO RICAN sprinkled anger, but I get over it so quick sometimes I surprise myself.
I work hard, really hard, too hard and that at times is not good. When you don't see certain elements of your job as simply a job and more as part of your life, you have to be careful. I am learning that. Balance is everything. Not easy, but necessary. What I have experienced on the professional front is more along the lines of "been there, done that, now what?" I also look at gaining skills and experience as more of an asset than a sense of complacency. So, been there, done that, bring me more. Plot twist! I am not the only one, certainly not the first educated educator to explore new ways to do good work, to find creative and innovative means to share message, nurture a relationship, get a kid excited about school. Been there, done that. Let's do it again!
When I was about nine or ten I used to take old, huge WorldBook encyclopedia books and read them. After a while, for some reason I would go find a piece of paper and a pencil and would transcribe everything I had read. I would copy what was already written. Don't ask me why, I just enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed the feeling of writing. Holding the pencil and tracing on the sheet. Fast forward and I heard over and over again I am not good enough; good enough about this and certainly not good enough about that. That pretty much crushed quite a few goals and dreams. Wait for it.... Plot twist!
When I got off the phone after sharing my sympathy and pain with a cousin whose mother had died, my head was going to explode. I sat down in front of the computer and began to write. I didn't stop for almost 6 hours. I submitted what I believed was a short story to a colleague, English professor, for him to just humor me. His feedback: this is not a short story, it's a novel. You can write, make it work. Plot twist indeed! It only took 15 years, but I finally heard what I needed to hear in order to hesitantly take this skill, gift, talent, whatever this is, and appreciate it, embrace it. More than anything, I learned not to be AFRAID to use it, share it, do it, express it. Feedback or no feedback. Been there, done that, give me more!
People can be rude, mean, hurtful. That's unfortunate, but it's real. I mean, we all need people like this in our lives at least for the occasional clinching sensation of nails on a chalkboard, right? If not, life can be boring and who wants that. At least we get some writing material or at least a bit of comic relief... ;) Smile, I am keeping it light, cool? I say this because the plot twist may be necessary at times when dealing with a difficult person. I listen, respect, don't talk back, respect, respect and did I say respect? If that does not work something has to give, something has to change and if I am still standing there, talking to a wall, guess what? Plot twist!
No lecture here... just a reflection on memories, dreams, hopes and wants at times when things may not have made much sense. Moral of the story, life Dr. Webber, on his death bed told us last week during the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy: You have one life to live, how are you going to live it. Decide to live, to love. Decide. Feel, cry, laugh, get angry and run like hell to burn off steam. Love with all your heart and if you must, CHANGE, because it only proves we are indeed ALIVE. I guess we should be thankful in my at-times annoyingly positive, supportive tone...and if somethings in life go wrong, stop and yell PLOT TWIST and move on!
Elizabeth Gilbert, for those who don't recognize the name, is the best selling author of "Eat, Pray, Love" and if you know me well, I have shared with you how much that very novel eerily mirrored a very low point in my life. At the same time, Liz' story echoed and helped me channel feelings, thoughts and experiences I was living myself. When describing how much this book changed my outlook on life, a relative said to me that "it was the most selfish novel she had ever read", put it down and didn't even finish it. My question: Is it selfish to examine your life at a crossroads and make what at the time is the best decision to get out of an unhealthy environment? Then, for once in my life, call me selfish.
This is not an ode to Liz Gilbert's writing, life-changing a-ha moment in Shangri-La. This is about how we are constantly faced with situations, challenges, hurdles, in essence, life. Life happens. If it didn't, we'd be dead, right? Duh... ;) So, I take a moment, to again, reflect on the last few days.
As long as I can remember I have been complimented with having a positive outlook on life. I look up and again insist on God (yeah, YOU!) having a pretty twisted sense of humor. ;) OK, I'll bite. I am always seeing, and if it doesn't come easy, I dig, dig and keep digging, until I find the positive in a situation. I cry, I run and burn my loud PUERTO RICAN sprinkled anger, but I get over it so quick sometimes I surprise myself.
I work hard, really hard, too hard and that at times is not good. When you don't see certain elements of your job as simply a job and more as part of your life, you have to be careful. I am learning that. Balance is everything. Not easy, but necessary. What I have experienced on the professional front is more along the lines of "been there, done that, now what?" I also look at gaining skills and experience as more of an asset than a sense of complacency. So, been there, done that, bring me more. Plot twist! I am not the only one, certainly not the first educated educator to explore new ways to do good work, to find creative and innovative means to share message, nurture a relationship, get a kid excited about school. Been there, done that. Let's do it again!
When I was about nine or ten I used to take old, huge WorldBook encyclopedia books and read them. After a while, for some reason I would go find a piece of paper and a pencil and would transcribe everything I had read. I would copy what was already written. Don't ask me why, I just enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed the feeling of writing. Holding the pencil and tracing on the sheet. Fast forward and I heard over and over again I am not good enough; good enough about this and certainly not good enough about that. That pretty much crushed quite a few goals and dreams. Wait for it.... Plot twist!
When I got off the phone after sharing my sympathy and pain with a cousin whose mother had died, my head was going to explode. I sat down in front of the computer and began to write. I didn't stop for almost 6 hours. I submitted what I believed was a short story to a colleague, English professor, for him to just humor me. His feedback: this is not a short story, it's a novel. You can write, make it work. Plot twist indeed! It only took 15 years, but I finally heard what I needed to hear in order to hesitantly take this skill, gift, talent, whatever this is, and appreciate it, embrace it. More than anything, I learned not to be AFRAID to use it, share it, do it, express it. Feedback or no feedback. Been there, done that, give me more!
People can be rude, mean, hurtful. That's unfortunate, but it's real. I mean, we all need people like this in our lives at least for the occasional clinching sensation of nails on a chalkboard, right? If not, life can be boring and who wants that. At least we get some writing material or at least a bit of comic relief... ;) Smile, I am keeping it light, cool? I say this because the plot twist may be necessary at times when dealing with a difficult person. I listen, respect, don't talk back, respect, respect and did I say respect? If that does not work something has to give, something has to change and if I am still standing there, talking to a wall, guess what? Plot twist!
No lecture here... just a reflection on memories, dreams, hopes and wants at times when things may not have made much sense. Moral of the story, life Dr. Webber, on his death bed told us last week during the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy: You have one life to live, how are you going to live it. Decide to live, to love. Decide. Feel, cry, laugh, get angry and run like hell to burn off steam. Love with all your heart and if you must, CHANGE, because it only proves we are indeed ALIVE. I guess we should be thankful in my at-times annoyingly positive, supportive tone...and if somethings in life go wrong, stop and yell PLOT TWIST and move on!
Friday, September 20, 2013
One of these things is not like the others... ?
It seems that as I get older the wheels in my head (not the bus) go round and round more each day.
It seems that the clarity and perspective I now see things with reminds me every day I am alive, awake, aware.
The last few weeks have certainly been full of challenges, blessings, celebrations of love and life better described as the sad and unfortunate, but long-waited passing of a beloved relative. For the last few weeks, the day to day has taught me lessons of patience, risk, trust and perseverance.
While every day, be it at work or at home, a need to focus on the priorities, the pecking order, the immediate needs take center stage. Here comes part of the challenge...Well, what if you, like me, are programmed to be able to juggle more than one ball in the air; to compartmentalize each area or item on your "to do" list and get to them at the appropriate time they merit. What if you are really good at more than one thing. What if you can be known, not just for your skills, but for the experience, expertise and way on conveying a message... What if you can listen attentively during a meeting as the presenter is pitching an idea you already connected the very idea to two or more possible links in order to support it or benefit from it? What if you are a connector and very precise in connecting dots for the betterment an organization??
What if you try to juggle too many balls in the air and suddenly you look to the left as someone said "squirrel!" and all balls fall to the ground. Ah! You got distracted. You dropped the ball, literally. Well, that happens.
I reflect on these questions and the statement that one of these things is not like the others because I have recently been challenged with, not just finding a balance in priorities, but to make sense of those very priorities, when at the same time and to the outsider looking in, all look equally important. How do you determine the pecking order. How do you determine if they are all "big picture" or "little picture"?
Today during a lunch conversation a colleague and I discussed priorities, but more than anything, common sense. Ha! At times it seems that common sense ends up as the last kid to get picked to play for a team and almost does not make the cut of how to prioritize. Basically, the advice we gave each other, in full-blown, but unintentionally Latino support, was to take look at all items on our "to do lists" and check off one by one, those things we can do TODAY that we both know are important.
Then, use common sense to arrange the items we know will take more time and resources, more man power and more collaboration. Those items are big picture and ideally, common sense has a role to play.
A wise and loving man said to me recently, as he listened to my rant about challenges I was facing having to let go of projects I am passionate about. He said "take nail and hammer it to the wall, then hang that problem on it... and walk away," more or else. It sounds better in Spanish "ponlo en un clavo y déjalo ahí." He believes God (yes, hi up there! ;)) will do a little surveying of his own and decide if what's hanging from the nail is worth staying there, hopefully, adding to the aesthetics of your life, like a pretty painting decorating your home. Perhaps what's hanging from the nail is not worth your time and does not add anything of value to your work, especially, your life. In other words, let it go and if it's mean to be, it will come back, it will happen. And yes, it will take time, so be patient.
So, one of these things is not like the others.... Meh, I guess not, but that's OK. Balancing work, life, family and friends is not easy. One of these things is not as important as others and we must put them in some sort of a pecking order??? Then again, why can't they??? I will keep trying to balance as much as I can (with patience, practice and perseverance) and do my best not to drop any of the balls flying above me, yet understanding that indeed it is OK if I can't do everything, all of the time. But as hard as it may be, darn it, I won't give up my passions and WILL try to balance as much as I can.
It seems that the clarity and perspective I now see things with reminds me every day I am alive, awake, aware.
The last few weeks have certainly been full of challenges, blessings, celebrations of love and life better described as the sad and unfortunate, but long-waited passing of a beloved relative. For the last few weeks, the day to day has taught me lessons of patience, risk, trust and perseverance.
While every day, be it at work or at home, a need to focus on the priorities, the pecking order, the immediate needs take center stage. Here comes part of the challenge...Well, what if you, like me, are programmed to be able to juggle more than one ball in the air; to compartmentalize each area or item on your "to do" list and get to them at the appropriate time they merit. What if you are really good at more than one thing. What if you can be known, not just for your skills, but for the experience, expertise and way on conveying a message... What if you can listen attentively during a meeting as the presenter is pitching an idea you already connected the very idea to two or more possible links in order to support it or benefit from it? What if you are a connector and very precise in connecting dots for the betterment an organization??
What if you try to juggle too many balls in the air and suddenly you look to the left as someone said "squirrel!" and all balls fall to the ground. Ah! You got distracted. You dropped the ball, literally. Well, that happens.
I reflect on these questions and the statement that one of these things is not like the others because I have recently been challenged with, not just finding a balance in priorities, but to make sense of those very priorities, when at the same time and to the outsider looking in, all look equally important. How do you determine the pecking order. How do you determine if they are all "big picture" or "little picture"?
Today during a lunch conversation a colleague and I discussed priorities, but more than anything, common sense. Ha! At times it seems that common sense ends up as the last kid to get picked to play for a team and almost does not make the cut of how to prioritize. Basically, the advice we gave each other, in full-blown, but unintentionally Latino support, was to take look at all items on our "to do lists" and check off one by one, those things we can do TODAY that we both know are important.
Then, use common sense to arrange the items we know will take more time and resources, more man power and more collaboration. Those items are big picture and ideally, common sense has a role to play.
A wise and loving man said to me recently, as he listened to my rant about challenges I was facing having to let go of projects I am passionate about. He said "take nail and hammer it to the wall, then hang that problem on it... and walk away," more or else. It sounds better in Spanish "ponlo en un clavo y déjalo ahí." He believes God (yes, hi up there! ;)) will do a little surveying of his own and decide if what's hanging from the nail is worth staying there, hopefully, adding to the aesthetics of your life, like a pretty painting decorating your home. Perhaps what's hanging from the nail is not worth your time and does not add anything of value to your work, especially, your life. In other words, let it go and if it's mean to be, it will come back, it will happen. And yes, it will take time, so be patient.
So, one of these things is not like the others.... Meh, I guess not, but that's OK. Balancing work, life, family and friends is not easy. One of these things is not as important as others and we must put them in some sort of a pecking order??? Then again, why can't they??? I will keep trying to balance as much as I can (with patience, practice and perseverance) and do my best not to drop any of the balls flying above me, yet understanding that indeed it is OK if I can't do everything, all of the time. But as hard as it may be, darn it, I won't give up my passions and WILL try to balance as much as I can.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
The two "Ls": labels and love.
The two Ls, labels and love...
You might recognize the phrase as one of the very first lines in "Sex and the City"- the first movie, please, for the sequel leaves something to be said. So, disappointing.
Anyway, this entry is in no way shape of form, neither an ode to Carrie Bradshaw, as much as I could quote her on a daily basis, nor about the two "Ls" she describes. My labels and love combination is far nerdier than hip, more intense that light-hearted (although I will try my best to indeed, keep it light- do you not know me? ;)) and certainly more appropriate for the world inhabited by those of us plagued with actually loving what we do and what career path we have chosen. Shhhh, so, some of us chose the road less traveled, but to quote my favorite graduate from Dartmouth, not Dr. Seuss, but Robert Frost, it made all the difference.
In the movie, Carrie's Ls, labels and love, refer to the kind of labels many of us ladies (and quite a few gents I know!) are fluent in, Kors, Mizrahi, Gucci, Coach; the kind of labels that represent a look, a personality, some would say, a certain level of sophistication and of style. I do love those labels, but truly, for me they stand more for allowing some of us to be more in tune with the three Ps: poise, professional and put-together. Plug for the many style-icons in my family that enabled my educational metamorphosis into a labels savvy gal.
Carrie also describes the other L, love as the one we tend to generally default to: romantic love. The combination of emotions, thoughts, feelings and experiences when we fall in love are both exhilarating as they are nauseating. Don't we love it. The pain that comes with being in love, finding love, nurturing love, losing love, we desire in a sick and purely masochistic way. Ha! Bring it on, right?
Well, again, permit me to explain and clarify that the labels and the love I am feeling most animated about tonight, are not quite the same.
I am a woman, a daughter, a mother-less daughter, a mother-less mother, divorced, college educated. I am Puerto Rican, Spanish speaker, English teacher, self-proclaimed expert on useless movie trivia from the 1930s until now. I have such and such titles and responsibilities at work. I am known as the go-to person to write prayers on the spot. I am this and I am that. I have labels that define me.
Labels are placed on people, as the Coach bag is handed to the woman who carries it well, strutting her strut around and sending a message. Confidence? Maybe. Fear? Could be. The label on her bag adds to the label that IS her. Good? Bad? Think about it...
Labels are frowned upon by many individuals who don't like the label they were either born with, or received upon reaching a certain stage or age in their lives. What's the point, I used to ask my students, of all of this?? Well, I have recently come to a realization and until I was challenged with having to examine my own labels, I had not appreciate the power they could have. Labels send a message, which could be good, bad, indifferent. Let's shoot for good, shall we? THAT is the power of the label.
Love. As passionate as I am about everything related to "loving" this, that, this person, that place, my "love" doujour is the love of vocation. Talk about true love. No, I am not zoning in vocation in the religious life way, but the holistic and true meaning of the word: a God-given gift and calling. My vocation is to be an educator. A ha! Is that a label? Stay with me! :)
When speaking about love, about true love, is it to describe a deep and profound feeling of joy, often mixed in with a dash of pain, but overall, life-filling and life-saving. That type of love is what I am talking about and how it can be difficult to explain, let alone articulate, when you are talking about in the context of what you do for a living. This is not meant to be saying in simple terms, I love my job. This is more than that. What I am trying to convey is that very sense of fulfillment in what you do. That just like a long, committed loving relationship at times, experiences challenges and heartaches, disappointments and frustrations. The catch is you stick it through. You weather the storm, you renew your commitment, because you believe you are doing what you are doing for a reason bigger than you. You love it.
We all have labels that make us unique, perfectly imperfect human beings that have a choice. We ca either choose to use our label as a crutch or strut our stuff and take our labels out for a spin in the road less traveled that may make a difference. Embracing our labels make us proud of what we have to bring to "the table", at work, at home, on the field, for the team. Each label comes with a history, a story, a perspective. We should not let the label hinder our successes or get in the way of our dreams, especially if it will negatively affect what we love, who we love. And guess what, having many labels is a good thing. I wish some people would see that.
Labels and love go together. Whether you get the knock off label at a certain time in your life, that's OK. Don't get hung up on the superficial meaning of the label, but of the true value and intention of what the label has to offer... Yes, yes, you all know what I a talking about. Our labels define us and add to the passion of the LOVEs, the vocation we so love because it also defines who we are, the place we love to work at because of the value, skills and talents, our label, brings to the bigger goals; to the person we so deeply love who supports and cheers for us in gray and gloomy days when not even the brightest label can make us smile.
Labels and love go together... Having a firm grip on recognizing the real label from the occasional knock off (DISCLAIMER, if I could get my hands on the Michael Kors knock off I bought in China, but left in the taxi, I would- lol!!), will help us perhaps define better what it is we truly love. This is a round-about way of saying, knowing first who you are will surely help guide you in life as you define your passions, likes and dislikes, loves of your life. :)
I am this and I am that... those are my labels and they make me who I am, and who I am is the person that deeply and truly loves her vocation, her label as educator. I shout out (embracing my label of loud and life-lovin Puerto Rican!) my label of loving what I do and what I work for...
Love your label, label your love.
You might recognize the phrase as one of the very first lines in "Sex and the City"- the first movie, please, for the sequel leaves something to be said. So, disappointing.
Anyway, this entry is in no way shape of form, neither an ode to Carrie Bradshaw, as much as I could quote her on a daily basis, nor about the two "Ls" she describes. My labels and love combination is far nerdier than hip, more intense that light-hearted (although I will try my best to indeed, keep it light- do you not know me? ;)) and certainly more appropriate for the world inhabited by those of us plagued with actually loving what we do and what career path we have chosen. Shhhh, so, some of us chose the road less traveled, but to quote my favorite graduate from Dartmouth, not Dr. Seuss, but Robert Frost, it made all the difference.
In the movie, Carrie's Ls, labels and love, refer to the kind of labels many of us ladies (and quite a few gents I know!) are fluent in, Kors, Mizrahi, Gucci, Coach; the kind of labels that represent a look, a personality, some would say, a certain level of sophistication and of style. I do love those labels, but truly, for me they stand more for allowing some of us to be more in tune with the three Ps: poise, professional and put-together. Plug for the many style-icons in my family that enabled my educational metamorphosis into a labels savvy gal.
Carrie also describes the other L, love as the one we tend to generally default to: romantic love. The combination of emotions, thoughts, feelings and experiences when we fall in love are both exhilarating as they are nauseating. Don't we love it. The pain that comes with being in love, finding love, nurturing love, losing love, we desire in a sick and purely masochistic way. Ha! Bring it on, right?
Well, again, permit me to explain and clarify that the labels and the love I am feeling most animated about tonight, are not quite the same.
I am a woman, a daughter, a mother-less daughter, a mother-less mother, divorced, college educated. I am Puerto Rican, Spanish speaker, English teacher, self-proclaimed expert on useless movie trivia from the 1930s until now. I have such and such titles and responsibilities at work. I am known as the go-to person to write prayers on the spot. I am this and I am that. I have labels that define me.
Labels are placed on people, as the Coach bag is handed to the woman who carries it well, strutting her strut around and sending a message. Confidence? Maybe. Fear? Could be. The label on her bag adds to the label that IS her. Good? Bad? Think about it...
Labels are frowned upon by many individuals who don't like the label they were either born with, or received upon reaching a certain stage or age in their lives. What's the point, I used to ask my students, of all of this?? Well, I have recently come to a realization and until I was challenged with having to examine my own labels, I had not appreciate the power they could have. Labels send a message, which could be good, bad, indifferent. Let's shoot for good, shall we? THAT is the power of the label.
Love. As passionate as I am about everything related to "loving" this, that, this person, that place, my "love" doujour is the love of vocation. Talk about true love. No, I am not zoning in vocation in the religious life way, but the holistic and true meaning of the word: a God-given gift and calling. My vocation is to be an educator. A ha! Is that a label? Stay with me! :)
When speaking about love, about true love, is it to describe a deep and profound feeling of joy, often mixed in with a dash of pain, but overall, life-filling and life-saving. That type of love is what I am talking about and how it can be difficult to explain, let alone articulate, when you are talking about in the context of what you do for a living. This is not meant to be saying in simple terms, I love my job. This is more than that. What I am trying to convey is that very sense of fulfillment in what you do. That just like a long, committed loving relationship at times, experiences challenges and heartaches, disappointments and frustrations. The catch is you stick it through. You weather the storm, you renew your commitment, because you believe you are doing what you are doing for a reason bigger than you. You love it.
We all have labels that make us unique, perfectly imperfect human beings that have a choice. We ca either choose to use our label as a crutch or strut our stuff and take our labels out for a spin in the road less traveled that may make a difference. Embracing our labels make us proud of what we have to bring to "the table", at work, at home, on the field, for the team. Each label comes with a history, a story, a perspective. We should not let the label hinder our successes or get in the way of our dreams, especially if it will negatively affect what we love, who we love. And guess what, having many labels is a good thing. I wish some people would see that.
Labels and love go together. Whether you get the knock off label at a certain time in your life, that's OK. Don't get hung up on the superficial meaning of the label, but of the true value and intention of what the label has to offer... Yes, yes, you all know what I a talking about. Our labels define us and add to the passion of the LOVEs, the vocation we so love because it also defines who we are, the place we love to work at because of the value, skills and talents, our label, brings to the bigger goals; to the person we so deeply love who supports and cheers for us in gray and gloomy days when not even the brightest label can make us smile.
Labels and love go together... Having a firm grip on recognizing the real label from the occasional knock off (DISCLAIMER, if I could get my hands on the Michael Kors knock off I bought in China, but left in the taxi, I would- lol!!), will help us perhaps define better what it is we truly love. This is a round-about way of saying, knowing first who you are will surely help guide you in life as you define your passions, likes and dislikes, loves of your life. :)
I am this and I am that... those are my labels and they make me who I am, and who I am is the person that deeply and truly loves her vocation, her label as educator. I shout out (embracing my label of loud and life-lovin Puerto Rican!) my label of loving what I do and what I work for...
Love your label, label your love.
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