Almost a year ago I began this journey of the epistolary kind... For years, I didn't know what to do with all the thoughts in my head, all the experienced lived, all the perspective gained. Now, I write it out and am blessed that so many can either relate or learn from what I whole-heartedly share.
One of my most popular posts was "Goodbyes bring change, change brings goodbyes." Almost a year later, I come full circle..
Maybe we don't realize this, but as time passes us by, each minute, each moment, "things" end. When we get up in the morning, our rest time ends and we must face a new day. When we get ready, our prep time ends, then when we go to work, our commute ends. Events, experiences happen to us and they end. All things, like life, I guess, have an ending of some sort. Now, before you think I am taking a tone much contradictory to my usual positive one focused on the ending of all basic life experiences in our days, bare with me and think again.
Meetings end (thank goodness!;)), projects end, relationships and responsibilities (unless you are a parent, like some of us) end. However, what I have appreciated the most is not the terminal notion of all things ending, wait for it... Actually, nor the fact that pain, too, ends- (thank goodness, again!) and at a given time, that is the best thing to happen. The best part of the ending is in my opinion the processing, the whys, the hows, the whens... the understanding of that very ending as part of life's journey. Why did that relationship end? When did I realize that I was done with carrying that grudge? How did I not see the signs pointing to the forthcoming end of this project and what would that "end" bring? Food for thought, right?
So, now what? What do you do with these questions? What do you do with these endings? I hope you can do what I have done... After the mourning of the loss of "whatever"---OK, so I don't necessarily mourn the daily loss of my daily commute, but I sure don't like pulling into the parking lot and have to turn off my music--- I pause and take a deep breath and accept. I accept, albeit not voluntarily at times, that things are different; the very ending ended. That's it. Deal with it. Suck it up.
Aha! But wait, something new will come next. After years of wondering what changed in the friendship with one of my gal pals, I realized that because I had gone through a divorce, an ending of my own, she too struggled with "what to do with me" and how to deal with that ending. Ha! Funny, how we go through something like that, a big break-up, a move, and don't even think twice how it could affect some people. Not that other people should influence your decisions. That is not my point, but the consequences of our decisions do indeed affect others, at different levels, but they do.
When a co-worker and I had a misunderstanding our relationship was affected. Something did end, but we were able to learn from it. While things are not the same, the newness of how to handle whatever comes next, we are ready. That process of "ending" and accepting, has helped move us forward.
In a nutshell, endings or "goodbyes" do bring change and change does indeed bring goodbyes. A change in jobs means the daily routine is different, so goodbye daily trips to the coffee machine at 3 p.m. Goodbye to my favorite group of people, retreat planners and youth ministers, so change came in my weekly email exchanges and focus on time zones. It's OK. It's part of life.
With each ending, comes a new beginning. With a goodbye, a new hello. With a heart-break, newly found strength you didn't know you had. With the end of loneliness, a new heart full of love and hope.
May each of you find the newness and the fresh start of everything that ENDS in your life. I just did.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Tell me what you want, exactly what you want!
Some of us operate in "big picture" mode. We are macro, we think out of the box while connecting the dots. We sometimes do pay attention to detail, but it's because it is clearly defined and part of a set process and procedure. It supports the big picture. The details are part of the journey in order to reach the bigger goal...
We are global minded and focus on how what we are doing affects and impacts the goals, mission and vision of whatever. We have faith. We believe that a conversation is an investment and the fruits of that investment take time to grow and be nourished. We are team players. We need to be, if not we fail.
We are leaders and empower others to lead with us. Why? Because we collectively believe in the task at hand. The task, you may ask, can be daunting. Indeed. Why take it on with a pessimistic outlook and pretend one person can take it on by themselves and then put others down when the task proves to be challenging?
In attempting to make sense at how some of us, individuals who thrive in a structured environment, may seem to contradict the very essence of what being "big picture" means, I will keep it very simple.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!
I work with volunteers. I recruit, train and manage them. I am Ms. Big Picture. Our goal is XXX and I have had to learn, in various, different adorations of my career development to be as detailed as possible. Oh, not for my sake, but for them. When you manage a group of people, be it a retreat team, a planning committee, a fundraising group, may I offer a word of advice: be as clear and specific as possible. If you need X, then make sure those who you expect X to come from, know that if you add A and B you'll get C and that will lead to X, eventually. Give deadlines, set expectations.
Sigh....... PAUSE for exhaustion.
Yes, it's exhausting! Why? Because it is not in my nature to create all things detailed. I am a creative extrovert, that while flirting with the introvert in me, often desperately miss the back to back appointments, classes (taken and taught) and structured daily schedule. Don't get me wrong, I would die without variety and the occasional change in routine. What I am saying is that our fantastic, creative mind needs to be anchored in structured. The structure is the anchor, the stability.
So, in conclusion, and as my friends have learned sometimes in very comical ways as one that is thinking big and planning ahead, when you need me, tell me what you want, exactly what you want. I promise to drop what I am doing to focus on that. Give me a deadline. I need it! I love to work under pressure... hahaha... I know, I know. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I tell you what, if you sell me your proyect and need something specific from me and I am on board, we both win! Give me a project with a vision and a structure I will run with it. But please, as I have to learn to do with working with others, be specific and tell me what you want. My colleagues, friends and team members I have worked with, appreciate it from me... and I NEED it from you all. :)
We are global minded and focus on how what we are doing affects and impacts the goals, mission and vision of whatever. We have faith. We believe that a conversation is an investment and the fruits of that investment take time to grow and be nourished. We are team players. We need to be, if not we fail.
We are leaders and empower others to lead with us. Why? Because we collectively believe in the task at hand. The task, you may ask, can be daunting. Indeed. Why take it on with a pessimistic outlook and pretend one person can take it on by themselves and then put others down when the task proves to be challenging?
In attempting to make sense at how some of us, individuals who thrive in a structured environment, may seem to contradict the very essence of what being "big picture" means, I will keep it very simple.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!
I work with volunteers. I recruit, train and manage them. I am Ms. Big Picture. Our goal is XXX and I have had to learn, in various, different adorations of my career development to be as detailed as possible. Oh, not for my sake, but for them. When you manage a group of people, be it a retreat team, a planning committee, a fundraising group, may I offer a word of advice: be as clear and specific as possible. If you need X, then make sure those who you expect X to come from, know that if you add A and B you'll get C and that will lead to X, eventually. Give deadlines, set expectations.
Sigh....... PAUSE for exhaustion.
Yes, it's exhausting! Why? Because it is not in my nature to create all things detailed. I am a creative extrovert, that while flirting with the introvert in me, often desperately miss the back to back appointments, classes (taken and taught) and structured daily schedule. Don't get me wrong, I would die without variety and the occasional change in routine. What I am saying is that our fantastic, creative mind needs to be anchored in structured. The structure is the anchor, the stability.
So, in conclusion, and as my friends have learned sometimes in very comical ways as one that is thinking big and planning ahead, when you need me, tell me what you want, exactly what you want. I promise to drop what I am doing to focus on that. Give me a deadline. I need it! I love to work under pressure... hahaha... I know, I know. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I tell you what, if you sell me your proyect and need something specific from me and I am on board, we both win! Give me a project with a vision and a structure I will run with it. But please, as I have to learn to do with working with others, be specific and tell me what you want. My colleagues, friends and team members I have worked with, appreciate it from me... and I NEED it from you all. :)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Plot twist!
I recently saw a posting from Elizabeth Gilbert's Facebook page that said: "When something in your life goes wrong, stop and yell "PLOT TWIST"and move on!"
Elizabeth Gilbert, for those who don't recognize the name, is the best selling author of "Eat, Pray, Love" and if you know me well, I have shared with you how much that very novel eerily mirrored a very low point in my life. At the same time, Liz' story echoed and helped me channel feelings, thoughts and experiences I was living myself. When describing how much this book changed my outlook on life, a relative said to me that "it was the most selfish novel she had ever read", put it down and didn't even finish it. My question: Is it selfish to examine your life at a crossroads and make what at the time is the best decision to get out of an unhealthy environment? Then, for once in my life, call me selfish.
This is not an ode to Liz Gilbert's writing, life-changing a-ha moment in Shangri-La. This is about how we are constantly faced with situations, challenges, hurdles, in essence, life. Life happens. If it didn't, we'd be dead, right? Duh... ;) So, I take a moment, to again, reflect on the last few days.
As long as I can remember I have been complimented with having a positive outlook on life. I look up and again insist on God (yeah, YOU!) having a pretty twisted sense of humor. ;) OK, I'll bite. I am always seeing, and if it doesn't come easy, I dig, dig and keep digging, until I find the positive in a situation. I cry, I run and burn my loud PUERTO RICAN sprinkled anger, but I get over it so quick sometimes I surprise myself.
I work hard, really hard, too hard and that at times is not good. When you don't see certain elements of your job as simply a job and more as part of your life, you have to be careful. I am learning that. Balance is everything. Not easy, but necessary. What I have experienced on the professional front is more along the lines of "been there, done that, now what?" I also look at gaining skills and experience as more of an asset than a sense of complacency. So, been there, done that, bring me more. Plot twist! I am not the only one, certainly not the first educated educator to explore new ways to do good work, to find creative and innovative means to share message, nurture a relationship, get a kid excited about school. Been there, done that. Let's do it again!
When I was about nine or ten I used to take old, huge WorldBook encyclopedia books and read them. After a while, for some reason I would go find a piece of paper and a pencil and would transcribe everything I had read. I would copy what was already written. Don't ask me why, I just enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed the feeling of writing. Holding the pencil and tracing on the sheet. Fast forward and I heard over and over again I am not good enough; good enough about this and certainly not good enough about that. That pretty much crushed quite a few goals and dreams. Wait for it.... Plot twist!
When I got off the phone after sharing my sympathy and pain with a cousin whose mother had died, my head was going to explode. I sat down in front of the computer and began to write. I didn't stop for almost 6 hours. I submitted what I believed was a short story to a colleague, English professor, for him to just humor me. His feedback: this is not a short story, it's a novel. You can write, make it work. Plot twist indeed! It only took 15 years, but I finally heard what I needed to hear in order to hesitantly take this skill, gift, talent, whatever this is, and appreciate it, embrace it. More than anything, I learned not to be AFRAID to use it, share it, do it, express it. Feedback or no feedback. Been there, done that, give me more!
People can be rude, mean, hurtful. That's unfortunate, but it's real. I mean, we all need people like this in our lives at least for the occasional clinching sensation of nails on a chalkboard, right? If not, life can be boring and who wants that. At least we get some writing material or at least a bit of comic relief... ;) Smile, I am keeping it light, cool? I say this because the plot twist may be necessary at times when dealing with a difficult person. I listen, respect, don't talk back, respect, respect and did I say respect? If that does not work something has to give, something has to change and if I am still standing there, talking to a wall, guess what? Plot twist!
No lecture here... just a reflection on memories, dreams, hopes and wants at times when things may not have made much sense. Moral of the story, life Dr. Webber, on his death bed told us last week during the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy: You have one life to live, how are you going to live it. Decide to live, to love. Decide. Feel, cry, laugh, get angry and run like hell to burn off steam. Love with all your heart and if you must, CHANGE, because it only proves we are indeed ALIVE. I guess we should be thankful in my at-times annoyingly positive, supportive tone...and if somethings in life go wrong, stop and yell PLOT TWIST and move on!
Elizabeth Gilbert, for those who don't recognize the name, is the best selling author of "Eat, Pray, Love" and if you know me well, I have shared with you how much that very novel eerily mirrored a very low point in my life. At the same time, Liz' story echoed and helped me channel feelings, thoughts and experiences I was living myself. When describing how much this book changed my outlook on life, a relative said to me that "it was the most selfish novel she had ever read", put it down and didn't even finish it. My question: Is it selfish to examine your life at a crossroads and make what at the time is the best decision to get out of an unhealthy environment? Then, for once in my life, call me selfish.
This is not an ode to Liz Gilbert's writing, life-changing a-ha moment in Shangri-La. This is about how we are constantly faced with situations, challenges, hurdles, in essence, life. Life happens. If it didn't, we'd be dead, right? Duh... ;) So, I take a moment, to again, reflect on the last few days.
As long as I can remember I have been complimented with having a positive outlook on life. I look up and again insist on God (yeah, YOU!) having a pretty twisted sense of humor. ;) OK, I'll bite. I am always seeing, and if it doesn't come easy, I dig, dig and keep digging, until I find the positive in a situation. I cry, I run and burn my loud PUERTO RICAN sprinkled anger, but I get over it so quick sometimes I surprise myself.
I work hard, really hard, too hard and that at times is not good. When you don't see certain elements of your job as simply a job and more as part of your life, you have to be careful. I am learning that. Balance is everything. Not easy, but necessary. What I have experienced on the professional front is more along the lines of "been there, done that, now what?" I also look at gaining skills and experience as more of an asset than a sense of complacency. So, been there, done that, bring me more. Plot twist! I am not the only one, certainly not the first educated educator to explore new ways to do good work, to find creative and innovative means to share message, nurture a relationship, get a kid excited about school. Been there, done that. Let's do it again!
When I was about nine or ten I used to take old, huge WorldBook encyclopedia books and read them. After a while, for some reason I would go find a piece of paper and a pencil and would transcribe everything I had read. I would copy what was already written. Don't ask me why, I just enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed the feeling of writing. Holding the pencil and tracing on the sheet. Fast forward and I heard over and over again I am not good enough; good enough about this and certainly not good enough about that. That pretty much crushed quite a few goals and dreams. Wait for it.... Plot twist!
When I got off the phone after sharing my sympathy and pain with a cousin whose mother had died, my head was going to explode. I sat down in front of the computer and began to write. I didn't stop for almost 6 hours. I submitted what I believed was a short story to a colleague, English professor, for him to just humor me. His feedback: this is not a short story, it's a novel. You can write, make it work. Plot twist indeed! It only took 15 years, but I finally heard what I needed to hear in order to hesitantly take this skill, gift, talent, whatever this is, and appreciate it, embrace it. More than anything, I learned not to be AFRAID to use it, share it, do it, express it. Feedback or no feedback. Been there, done that, give me more!
People can be rude, mean, hurtful. That's unfortunate, but it's real. I mean, we all need people like this in our lives at least for the occasional clinching sensation of nails on a chalkboard, right? If not, life can be boring and who wants that. At least we get some writing material or at least a bit of comic relief... ;) Smile, I am keeping it light, cool? I say this because the plot twist may be necessary at times when dealing with a difficult person. I listen, respect, don't talk back, respect, respect and did I say respect? If that does not work something has to give, something has to change and if I am still standing there, talking to a wall, guess what? Plot twist!
No lecture here... just a reflection on memories, dreams, hopes and wants at times when things may not have made much sense. Moral of the story, life Dr. Webber, on his death bed told us last week during the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy: You have one life to live, how are you going to live it. Decide to live, to love. Decide. Feel, cry, laugh, get angry and run like hell to burn off steam. Love with all your heart and if you must, CHANGE, because it only proves we are indeed ALIVE. I guess we should be thankful in my at-times annoyingly positive, supportive tone...and if somethings in life go wrong, stop and yell PLOT TWIST and move on!
Friday, September 20, 2013
One of these things is not like the others... ?
It seems that as I get older the wheels in my head (not the bus) go round and round more each day.
It seems that the clarity and perspective I now see things with reminds me every day I am alive, awake, aware.
The last few weeks have certainly been full of challenges, blessings, celebrations of love and life better described as the sad and unfortunate, but long-waited passing of a beloved relative. For the last few weeks, the day to day has taught me lessons of patience, risk, trust and perseverance.
While every day, be it at work or at home, a need to focus on the priorities, the pecking order, the immediate needs take center stage. Here comes part of the challenge...Well, what if you, like me, are programmed to be able to juggle more than one ball in the air; to compartmentalize each area or item on your "to do" list and get to them at the appropriate time they merit. What if you are really good at more than one thing. What if you can be known, not just for your skills, but for the experience, expertise and way on conveying a message... What if you can listen attentively during a meeting as the presenter is pitching an idea you already connected the very idea to two or more possible links in order to support it or benefit from it? What if you are a connector and very precise in connecting dots for the betterment an organization??
What if you try to juggle too many balls in the air and suddenly you look to the left as someone said "squirrel!" and all balls fall to the ground. Ah! You got distracted. You dropped the ball, literally. Well, that happens.
I reflect on these questions and the statement that one of these things is not like the others because I have recently been challenged with, not just finding a balance in priorities, but to make sense of those very priorities, when at the same time and to the outsider looking in, all look equally important. How do you determine the pecking order. How do you determine if they are all "big picture" or "little picture"?
Today during a lunch conversation a colleague and I discussed priorities, but more than anything, common sense. Ha! At times it seems that common sense ends up as the last kid to get picked to play for a team and almost does not make the cut of how to prioritize. Basically, the advice we gave each other, in full-blown, but unintentionally Latino support, was to take look at all items on our "to do lists" and check off one by one, those things we can do TODAY that we both know are important.
Then, use common sense to arrange the items we know will take more time and resources, more man power and more collaboration. Those items are big picture and ideally, common sense has a role to play.
A wise and loving man said to me recently, as he listened to my rant about challenges I was facing having to let go of projects I am passionate about. He said "take nail and hammer it to the wall, then hang that problem on it... and walk away," more or else. It sounds better in Spanish "ponlo en un clavo y déjalo ahí." He believes God (yes, hi up there! ;)) will do a little surveying of his own and decide if what's hanging from the nail is worth staying there, hopefully, adding to the aesthetics of your life, like a pretty painting decorating your home. Perhaps what's hanging from the nail is not worth your time and does not add anything of value to your work, especially, your life. In other words, let it go and if it's mean to be, it will come back, it will happen. And yes, it will take time, so be patient.
So, one of these things is not like the others.... Meh, I guess not, but that's OK. Balancing work, life, family and friends is not easy. One of these things is not as important as others and we must put them in some sort of a pecking order??? Then again, why can't they??? I will keep trying to balance as much as I can (with patience, practice and perseverance) and do my best not to drop any of the balls flying above me, yet understanding that indeed it is OK if I can't do everything, all of the time. But as hard as it may be, darn it, I won't give up my passions and WILL try to balance as much as I can.
It seems that the clarity and perspective I now see things with reminds me every day I am alive, awake, aware.
The last few weeks have certainly been full of challenges, blessings, celebrations of love and life better described as the sad and unfortunate, but long-waited passing of a beloved relative. For the last few weeks, the day to day has taught me lessons of patience, risk, trust and perseverance.
While every day, be it at work or at home, a need to focus on the priorities, the pecking order, the immediate needs take center stage. Here comes part of the challenge...Well, what if you, like me, are programmed to be able to juggle more than one ball in the air; to compartmentalize each area or item on your "to do" list and get to them at the appropriate time they merit. What if you are really good at more than one thing. What if you can be known, not just for your skills, but for the experience, expertise and way on conveying a message... What if you can listen attentively during a meeting as the presenter is pitching an idea you already connected the very idea to two or more possible links in order to support it or benefit from it? What if you are a connector and very precise in connecting dots for the betterment an organization??
What if you try to juggle too many balls in the air and suddenly you look to the left as someone said "squirrel!" and all balls fall to the ground. Ah! You got distracted. You dropped the ball, literally. Well, that happens.
I reflect on these questions and the statement that one of these things is not like the others because I have recently been challenged with, not just finding a balance in priorities, but to make sense of those very priorities, when at the same time and to the outsider looking in, all look equally important. How do you determine the pecking order. How do you determine if they are all "big picture" or "little picture"?
Today during a lunch conversation a colleague and I discussed priorities, but more than anything, common sense. Ha! At times it seems that common sense ends up as the last kid to get picked to play for a team and almost does not make the cut of how to prioritize. Basically, the advice we gave each other, in full-blown, but unintentionally Latino support, was to take look at all items on our "to do lists" and check off one by one, those things we can do TODAY that we both know are important.
Then, use common sense to arrange the items we know will take more time and resources, more man power and more collaboration. Those items are big picture and ideally, common sense has a role to play.
A wise and loving man said to me recently, as he listened to my rant about challenges I was facing having to let go of projects I am passionate about. He said "take nail and hammer it to the wall, then hang that problem on it... and walk away," more or else. It sounds better in Spanish "ponlo en un clavo y déjalo ahí." He believes God (yes, hi up there! ;)) will do a little surveying of his own and decide if what's hanging from the nail is worth staying there, hopefully, adding to the aesthetics of your life, like a pretty painting decorating your home. Perhaps what's hanging from the nail is not worth your time and does not add anything of value to your work, especially, your life. In other words, let it go and if it's mean to be, it will come back, it will happen. And yes, it will take time, so be patient.
So, one of these things is not like the others.... Meh, I guess not, but that's OK. Balancing work, life, family and friends is not easy. One of these things is not as important as others and we must put them in some sort of a pecking order??? Then again, why can't they??? I will keep trying to balance as much as I can (with patience, practice and perseverance) and do my best not to drop any of the balls flying above me, yet understanding that indeed it is OK if I can't do everything, all of the time. But as hard as it may be, darn it, I won't give up my passions and WILL try to balance as much as I can.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
The two "Ls": labels and love.
The two Ls, labels and love...
You might recognize the phrase as one of the very first lines in "Sex and the City"- the first movie, please, for the sequel leaves something to be said. So, disappointing.
Anyway, this entry is in no way shape of form, neither an ode to Carrie Bradshaw, as much as I could quote her on a daily basis, nor about the two "Ls" she describes. My labels and love combination is far nerdier than hip, more intense that light-hearted (although I will try my best to indeed, keep it light- do you not know me? ;)) and certainly more appropriate for the world inhabited by those of us plagued with actually loving what we do and what career path we have chosen. Shhhh, so, some of us chose the road less traveled, but to quote my favorite graduate from Dartmouth, not Dr. Seuss, but Robert Frost, it made all the difference.
In the movie, Carrie's Ls, labels and love, refer to the kind of labels many of us ladies (and quite a few gents I know!) are fluent in, Kors, Mizrahi, Gucci, Coach; the kind of labels that represent a look, a personality, some would say, a certain level of sophistication and of style. I do love those labels, but truly, for me they stand more for allowing some of us to be more in tune with the three Ps: poise, professional and put-together. Plug for the many style-icons in my family that enabled my educational metamorphosis into a labels savvy gal.
Carrie also describes the other L, love as the one we tend to generally default to: romantic love. The combination of emotions, thoughts, feelings and experiences when we fall in love are both exhilarating as they are nauseating. Don't we love it. The pain that comes with being in love, finding love, nurturing love, losing love, we desire in a sick and purely masochistic way. Ha! Bring it on, right?
Well, again, permit me to explain and clarify that the labels and the love I am feeling most animated about tonight, are not quite the same.
I am a woman, a daughter, a mother-less daughter, a mother-less mother, divorced, college educated. I am Puerto Rican, Spanish speaker, English teacher, self-proclaimed expert on useless movie trivia from the 1930s until now. I have such and such titles and responsibilities at work. I am known as the go-to person to write prayers on the spot. I am this and I am that. I have labels that define me.
Labels are placed on people, as the Coach bag is handed to the woman who carries it well, strutting her strut around and sending a message. Confidence? Maybe. Fear? Could be. The label on her bag adds to the label that IS her. Good? Bad? Think about it...
Labels are frowned upon by many individuals who don't like the label they were either born with, or received upon reaching a certain stage or age in their lives. What's the point, I used to ask my students, of all of this?? Well, I have recently come to a realization and until I was challenged with having to examine my own labels, I had not appreciate the power they could have. Labels send a message, which could be good, bad, indifferent. Let's shoot for good, shall we? THAT is the power of the label.
Love. As passionate as I am about everything related to "loving" this, that, this person, that place, my "love" doujour is the love of vocation. Talk about true love. No, I am not zoning in vocation in the religious life way, but the holistic and true meaning of the word: a God-given gift and calling. My vocation is to be an educator. A ha! Is that a label? Stay with me! :)
When speaking about love, about true love, is it to describe a deep and profound feeling of joy, often mixed in with a dash of pain, but overall, life-filling and life-saving. That type of love is what I am talking about and how it can be difficult to explain, let alone articulate, when you are talking about in the context of what you do for a living. This is not meant to be saying in simple terms, I love my job. This is more than that. What I am trying to convey is that very sense of fulfillment in what you do. That just like a long, committed loving relationship at times, experiences challenges and heartaches, disappointments and frustrations. The catch is you stick it through. You weather the storm, you renew your commitment, because you believe you are doing what you are doing for a reason bigger than you. You love it.
We all have labels that make us unique, perfectly imperfect human beings that have a choice. We ca either choose to use our label as a crutch or strut our stuff and take our labels out for a spin in the road less traveled that may make a difference. Embracing our labels make us proud of what we have to bring to "the table", at work, at home, on the field, for the team. Each label comes with a history, a story, a perspective. We should not let the label hinder our successes or get in the way of our dreams, especially if it will negatively affect what we love, who we love. And guess what, having many labels is a good thing. I wish some people would see that.
Labels and love go together. Whether you get the knock off label at a certain time in your life, that's OK. Don't get hung up on the superficial meaning of the label, but of the true value and intention of what the label has to offer... Yes, yes, you all know what I a talking about. Our labels define us and add to the passion of the LOVEs, the vocation we so love because it also defines who we are, the place we love to work at because of the value, skills and talents, our label, brings to the bigger goals; to the person we so deeply love who supports and cheers for us in gray and gloomy days when not even the brightest label can make us smile.
Labels and love go together... Having a firm grip on recognizing the real label from the occasional knock off (DISCLAIMER, if I could get my hands on the Michael Kors knock off I bought in China, but left in the taxi, I would- lol!!), will help us perhaps define better what it is we truly love. This is a round-about way of saying, knowing first who you are will surely help guide you in life as you define your passions, likes and dislikes, loves of your life. :)
I am this and I am that... those are my labels and they make me who I am, and who I am is the person that deeply and truly loves her vocation, her label as educator. I shout out (embracing my label of loud and life-lovin Puerto Rican!) my label of loving what I do and what I work for...
Love your label, label your love.
You might recognize the phrase as one of the very first lines in "Sex and the City"- the first movie, please, for the sequel leaves something to be said. So, disappointing.
Anyway, this entry is in no way shape of form, neither an ode to Carrie Bradshaw, as much as I could quote her on a daily basis, nor about the two "Ls" she describes. My labels and love combination is far nerdier than hip, more intense that light-hearted (although I will try my best to indeed, keep it light- do you not know me? ;)) and certainly more appropriate for the world inhabited by those of us plagued with actually loving what we do and what career path we have chosen. Shhhh, so, some of us chose the road less traveled, but to quote my favorite graduate from Dartmouth, not Dr. Seuss, but Robert Frost, it made all the difference.
In the movie, Carrie's Ls, labels and love, refer to the kind of labels many of us ladies (and quite a few gents I know!) are fluent in, Kors, Mizrahi, Gucci, Coach; the kind of labels that represent a look, a personality, some would say, a certain level of sophistication and of style. I do love those labels, but truly, for me they stand more for allowing some of us to be more in tune with the three Ps: poise, professional and put-together. Plug for the many style-icons in my family that enabled my educational metamorphosis into a labels savvy gal.
Carrie also describes the other L, love as the one we tend to generally default to: romantic love. The combination of emotions, thoughts, feelings and experiences when we fall in love are both exhilarating as they are nauseating. Don't we love it. The pain that comes with being in love, finding love, nurturing love, losing love, we desire in a sick and purely masochistic way. Ha! Bring it on, right?
Well, again, permit me to explain and clarify that the labels and the love I am feeling most animated about tonight, are not quite the same.
I am a woman, a daughter, a mother-less daughter, a mother-less mother, divorced, college educated. I am Puerto Rican, Spanish speaker, English teacher, self-proclaimed expert on useless movie trivia from the 1930s until now. I have such and such titles and responsibilities at work. I am known as the go-to person to write prayers on the spot. I am this and I am that. I have labels that define me.
Labels are placed on people, as the Coach bag is handed to the woman who carries it well, strutting her strut around and sending a message. Confidence? Maybe. Fear? Could be. The label on her bag adds to the label that IS her. Good? Bad? Think about it...
Labels are frowned upon by many individuals who don't like the label they were either born with, or received upon reaching a certain stage or age in their lives. What's the point, I used to ask my students, of all of this?? Well, I have recently come to a realization and until I was challenged with having to examine my own labels, I had not appreciate the power they could have. Labels send a message, which could be good, bad, indifferent. Let's shoot for good, shall we? THAT is the power of the label.
Love. As passionate as I am about everything related to "loving" this, that, this person, that place, my "love" doujour is the love of vocation. Talk about true love. No, I am not zoning in vocation in the religious life way, but the holistic and true meaning of the word: a God-given gift and calling. My vocation is to be an educator. A ha! Is that a label? Stay with me! :)
When speaking about love, about true love, is it to describe a deep and profound feeling of joy, often mixed in with a dash of pain, but overall, life-filling and life-saving. That type of love is what I am talking about and how it can be difficult to explain, let alone articulate, when you are talking about in the context of what you do for a living. This is not meant to be saying in simple terms, I love my job. This is more than that. What I am trying to convey is that very sense of fulfillment in what you do. That just like a long, committed loving relationship at times, experiences challenges and heartaches, disappointments and frustrations. The catch is you stick it through. You weather the storm, you renew your commitment, because you believe you are doing what you are doing for a reason bigger than you. You love it.
We all have labels that make us unique, perfectly imperfect human beings that have a choice. We ca either choose to use our label as a crutch or strut our stuff and take our labels out for a spin in the road less traveled that may make a difference. Embracing our labels make us proud of what we have to bring to "the table", at work, at home, on the field, for the team. Each label comes with a history, a story, a perspective. We should not let the label hinder our successes or get in the way of our dreams, especially if it will negatively affect what we love, who we love. And guess what, having many labels is a good thing. I wish some people would see that.
Labels and love go together. Whether you get the knock off label at a certain time in your life, that's OK. Don't get hung up on the superficial meaning of the label, but of the true value and intention of what the label has to offer... Yes, yes, you all know what I a talking about. Our labels define us and add to the passion of the LOVEs, the vocation we so love because it also defines who we are, the place we love to work at because of the value, skills and talents, our label, brings to the bigger goals; to the person we so deeply love who supports and cheers for us in gray and gloomy days when not even the brightest label can make us smile.
Labels and love go together... Having a firm grip on recognizing the real label from the occasional knock off (DISCLAIMER, if I could get my hands on the Michael Kors knock off I bought in China, but left in the taxi, I would- lol!!), will help us perhaps define better what it is we truly love. This is a round-about way of saying, knowing first who you are will surely help guide you in life as you define your passions, likes and dislikes, loves of your life. :)
I am this and I am that... those are my labels and they make me who I am, and who I am is the person that deeply and truly loves her vocation, her label as educator. I shout out (embracing my label of loud and life-lovin Puerto Rican!) my label of loving what I do and what I work for...
Love your label, label your love.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Risk is a 4 letter word
Working in an environment of higher learning provides for opportunities to ask questions. Actually, asking questions is encouraged. We seek to find new knowledge and to beat the shit (pardon my academically modest- not!- expression) out of old knowledge in order to educate the future of our communities; we attempt to mesh (not so well at times), old and new. Why mesh old and new?? To bring perspective and new light to this and that in order to enhance and be reminded of that very tradition some feel has to be overprotected, like hovering parents of the millennial generation-no offense.;)
We also, or better yet, should think outside of the box a little bit more often than we do. Now that's a bit of a challenge in the book-worming, scholarly, world of academia. By walking down the dusty halls of old research, we find, we hear a voice whispering in our ear sweet nothings of the likes of "tweet this" and "Instagram that" using the latest technology. "I am sorry, what? I don't tweet my lectures, I speak out loud and give my lectures to an audience full of students that on a good day are partially awake and attentive at 2:00 p.m.," I can almost hear my professor saying.
Change, embrace it we must, spoken in my finest Yoda-like voice. I am one that respects history, enjoys traditions and like routine. Who doesn't? However, even the most deeply-rooted structures, processes and procedures in an operation, could use a tweak here and there. Sure, you might think, if it's not "broke, don't fix it", but if the same ol' same ol, is indeed the same ol' same ol, guess what? Something is broken after all. What's broken? Energy, enthusiasm, vision, passions and goals for the future. All of that is broken. Dreams are broken. Hopes and tangible initiatives are broken. The desire to be better than today, better than the status quo, is broken. A little piece of me is broken.
I pick on technology and higher education simply because, in my experience, colleges and universities, have had no choice but to embrace change when it comes to new technologies. Lectures are being "teleconferenced in" and students are being recruited via Facebook. To that, I say bring it, no matter how resistant I am to tweeting... Lord, I refuse to tweet. :) That's the world now, I have to keep up.
However, without staying too high in the stratosphere of academia looking at the mere mortals down below, change can and should also be embraced by operations down home. Ah, yes, front liners. Our friends and colleagues who have the day to day interaction with everybody and use everybody. com to engage in conversations and build relationships. Maybe the "Harlem Shake" video that went viral on Youtube was not such a bad idea when the ladies that work in the registration office filmed it. Students loved it, no matter how many other eyes rolled! An operation and simple in-place procedure got a nice tweak and breathed a bit of fresh air.. an air of change.
Some other operations could probably use a kick in the you know what as well. Without picking on any in particular, my point here is to say the following on behalf of a fundamental pillar of tradition in education and in faith, I have been formed in: READ THE SIGNS OF THE TIMES AND ADAPT TO CHANGE. This statement came from a visionary French monk, who today would be almost as old as Yoda, and certainly just as wise. He knew current structures and ways of "doing" had to change. He knew something had to be done.
Why can't some of our leaders, supervisors, middle managers, friends, and family see that if the world is telling you something, if the message is loud and clear that something's gotta give, then GIVE!
Carajo!--yes, expletive in Spanish sounds so much more convincing!-- an organization that survives and thrives on relationships should embrace every tangible and strategic way to build on these relationships, acknowledge and appreciate old ones and reach to new heights to create new ones. Strategy is necessary, but you know what? Sometimes, risk is the best strategy. Taking risks is just that, risky. With risk, disaster may come, let's be real. Can we consider the other option? A re-birthing and re-lighting of fiery energy, passion and enthusiasm that was broken with our friend "same ol same ol" may also come with risk. Risk includes faith and having faith in that vision for the future, that if it's truly worth pursuing, is the best way to honor the tradition and the history of years past.
Learn from our past to embrace and look to the future. Let's continue to mesh old with new. Isn't that how life evolves? Let's continue asking these questions in settings of higher learning. Let's consider, the inconsiderable... Let's change things up a bit.
Change is hard. I know it personally, professionally and yes, it sucks--see blog entry on change-- but it is what makes life interesting. It may make our jobs a bit harder, it can make us nervous. Can we consider whatever changes need to come from all perspectives, the emotional, physical, etc.? Can we find the tools to adequately prepare for change. The right words to convey a message with dignity and respect? I think yes. I think it's worth a shot.
We also, or better yet, should think outside of the box a little bit more often than we do. Now that's a bit of a challenge in the book-worming, scholarly, world of academia. By walking down the dusty halls of old research, we find, we hear a voice whispering in our ear sweet nothings of the likes of "tweet this" and "Instagram that" using the latest technology. "I am sorry, what? I don't tweet my lectures, I speak out loud and give my lectures to an audience full of students that on a good day are partially awake and attentive at 2:00 p.m.," I can almost hear my professor saying.
Change, embrace it we must, spoken in my finest Yoda-like voice. I am one that respects history, enjoys traditions and like routine. Who doesn't? However, even the most deeply-rooted structures, processes and procedures in an operation, could use a tweak here and there. Sure, you might think, if it's not "broke, don't fix it", but if the same ol' same ol, is indeed the same ol' same ol, guess what? Something is broken after all. What's broken? Energy, enthusiasm, vision, passions and goals for the future. All of that is broken. Dreams are broken. Hopes and tangible initiatives are broken. The desire to be better than today, better than the status quo, is broken. A little piece of me is broken.
I pick on technology and higher education simply because, in my experience, colleges and universities, have had no choice but to embrace change when it comes to new technologies. Lectures are being "teleconferenced in" and students are being recruited via Facebook. To that, I say bring it, no matter how resistant I am to tweeting... Lord, I refuse to tweet. :) That's the world now, I have to keep up.
However, without staying too high in the stratosphere of academia looking at the mere mortals down below, change can and should also be embraced by operations down home. Ah, yes, front liners. Our friends and colleagues who have the day to day interaction with everybody and use everybody. com to engage in conversations and build relationships. Maybe the "Harlem Shake" video that went viral on Youtube was not such a bad idea when the ladies that work in the registration office filmed it. Students loved it, no matter how many other eyes rolled! An operation and simple in-place procedure got a nice tweak and breathed a bit of fresh air.. an air of change.
Some other operations could probably use a kick in the you know what as well. Without picking on any in particular, my point here is to say the following on behalf of a fundamental pillar of tradition in education and in faith, I have been formed in: READ THE SIGNS OF THE TIMES AND ADAPT TO CHANGE. This statement came from a visionary French monk, who today would be almost as old as Yoda, and certainly just as wise. He knew current structures and ways of "doing" had to change. He knew something had to be done.
Why can't some of our leaders, supervisors, middle managers, friends, and family see that if the world is telling you something, if the message is loud and clear that something's gotta give, then GIVE!
Carajo!--yes, expletive in Spanish sounds so much more convincing!-- an organization that survives and thrives on relationships should embrace every tangible and strategic way to build on these relationships, acknowledge and appreciate old ones and reach to new heights to create new ones. Strategy is necessary, but you know what? Sometimes, risk is the best strategy. Taking risks is just that, risky. With risk, disaster may come, let's be real. Can we consider the other option? A re-birthing and re-lighting of fiery energy, passion and enthusiasm that was broken with our friend "same ol same ol" may also come with risk. Risk includes faith and having faith in that vision for the future, that if it's truly worth pursuing, is the best way to honor the tradition and the history of years past.
Learn from our past to embrace and look to the future. Let's continue to mesh old with new. Isn't that how life evolves? Let's continue asking these questions in settings of higher learning. Let's consider, the inconsiderable... Let's change things up a bit.
Change is hard. I know it personally, professionally and yes, it sucks--see blog entry on change-- but it is what makes life interesting. It may make our jobs a bit harder, it can make us nervous. Can we consider whatever changes need to come from all perspectives, the emotional, physical, etc.? Can we find the tools to adequately prepare for change. The right words to convey a message with dignity and respect? I think yes. I think it's worth a shot.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Xie Xie Ni, China, xie xie.
How does one begin to explain and express thoughts, opinions, feelings, pre-conceived notions about a culture, country, lifestyle. Allow me to attempt what for those of us who have been blessed with opportunities to travel, befriend, love and live immersed in a culture not our own, is at times difficult; for by sharing our experiences, in the hopes to educate and just that, to share with the world our lives, often are mistaken for boasting and gloating.
Oh, how untrue that is. For what we (this breed I have previously referenced in this blog), birds of a feather with the extra suitcase packed just in case, love to do is study, learn, appreciate, respect and share. Study cultures and languages, appreciate those inhabitants of countries not our own, respect customs and traditions and share with everyone else in order to educate. That's what we are all about. It's not about us an individuals, folks, it's about this wonderful, big, yet small world we live in. Sharing it one Facebook post or email, or text message at a time. Sharing one smile, one hug, one dinner and even business meeting, at a time. This is also a my favorite hobby: building relationships.
Exactly a week ago, at the same hour, at this very moment, I sat in Terminal C at Chicago O'Hare airport. Now, I can certainly write a separate entry on my experiences at O'Hare, including a most unfortunately memorable feeling of a fever coming on route, Chicago to Denver in 97. I arrived delayed and woke up the next morning covered in chicken pox. Thank you O'Hare, I am reminded every day when I look in the mirror.
Sorry- tangent! A week ago I was a tired and dehydrated, not dreading the chicken pox in Chicago, but having just landed after a 14.5 hours flight from Shanghai. Yes, I was returning home to Dayton from my Chinese work trip, my first Chinese adventure.
I was invited to join others from the university to celebrate the anniversary of our operations in Suzhou. A year ago the opening of an institute that many believe to be another campus, a degree -granting branch, or simply classrooms teaching students and some adults. The truth is it is not necessarily the above, but so much more. The institute, proudly showing off our university name and Catholic-inspired cross logo, is a place where new knowledge is created. But more of that in a minute...
I flew to Shanghai after much chagrin from those skeptics who unknowingly judged the reason why I would want to go "all the way to China. It's so different. It's so far." Because I have to and why not, were the two things that immediately came to mind. I have to because it is important for our university international relations, our alumni and our perceptions to educate the world about why we, a Catholic university, would want to set up shop in a communist country. DISCLAIMER: I am no expert in Chinese culture, especially politics and religion. All I know is that relationships are HUGE there. Education, economic, cultural and professional development is enhanced and nourished based on the relationships built between one person and another, between one organization and the next and even government officials and civilians. Yes, there are standards, there is protocol. There are rules and there is tradition. There is respect and their is a keen thirst for knowledge, new technologies and ways to improve the world. Sounds like most of the same values the university holds true. Just for this, I was curious to see for myself.
As I arrived in Shanghai, after enjoying a lovely cocktail of eight movies on the plane... I read a little, but didn't sleep. So... eight movies of about 1.2 to 2 hrs each, you do the math. Long flight.
Mind you, I have been to several countries in Europe, Mexico, Canada, hundreds of treks in the air from my lovely home-home in Puerto Rico to my other home in the USA. This was the first time I had traveled so far by myself, not speaking the language, not really knowing what to expect. To that, I said "bring it!" Boy, did it get brought on! ;)
The people couldn't have been friendlier, helpful and hospitable. I was a guest in their home and they would take care of me--May I be as hospitable the next time I have guests visiting in Dayton, or in Puerto Rico. Any hint of fear of the unknown was gone. My hearing sharpened, as I recalled a month in Germany, where by the end of my stay I could carry a very brief, yet appreciated conversation with my host families and my mates from Deutschland! I tried to pick up the tones, ah, the tones. Ni hao means hello... But I quickly saw that the HAO is not like HAO, I am Tonto from the Lone Ranger, but more like Nee-hah, with a slight and very short hint of the "O" at the end. Ufffff, took me a couple of days to say it as natural as I believed. What do I know... I needed to let my new Chinese friends be the judge of that.
By day five I was able to read a short, but meaningful sentence to alumni over dinner and while I stumbled over the word for alumni association, I was told, they got the point. More than anything, they appreciated the fact I had taken the time and was interested in addressing them in their own language. All I could think of was "why not, isn't that what you are suppose to do when you visit a different country and want to learn about a different culture?" I was born speaking a different language and by choosing to study and live in a country not my own, I had to learn. There, simple.
Again, I am certainly not an expert and certainly not a well-read Chinese cultural scholar, but this is what I saw. In a period of two hours and while driving from Shanghai to Suzhou, I saw more apartment and condo complexes that I thought could ever be built. There are so many people living there, it is overwhelming. At first I thought Shanghai was like New York city. Cool, OK. Then it kept going and going, going and going. There are roughly 23 million people living there, and I believe it is growing. The skyscrapers are among the tallest in the worlds, the economic boom is envied and the contrast from city of the future, draped in western-style neon signs, and old country Pagodas overlooking market squares where entry ways are bravely protected by stone dragons, I was in awe.
--I even learned, thanks to one of my esteemed colleagues who served as the best tour guide, that there are usually two dragons protecting each entry way to a store, a house, a temple. One dragon is a mama dragon, with its paw placed on the head of a baby dragon, protecting it as much as the entry assigned to her. On the other side of the entry way, papa dragon also holds vigil, attentive to his post. Both loyal and committed to their protective duties, the pair of dragons look on and stare back at the thousands and thousands of locals and tourists who walk by.
The markets kept going and going. Rows and rows of kiosks overflowing with jade Buddhas, pearl necklaces, Chinese painting sets and if you are lucky your own knock-off Michael Kors tote, latest edition. Bargaining and negotiating is an art I am proud to say I almost mastered. Once I got used to calculating the change from US dollar to Chinese RMB I engaged in pretty animated conversations with the sellers in order to get a good deal for my souvenirs. At the end, I smiled. I could do this again.
Where you would find your hot dog or hot pretzel cart, you'd find dumplings. Home-made, steamed, pork and crab meat-filled dumplings. One word: yum! You'd also find other items on the menu that I will not dwell too much on. Truth be told, I stepped out of my own comfort zone as a self-proclaimed bad islander. I don't east fish. I don't like fish. I ate some fish and actually liked it. I confess. :)
Back to the Institute, for I am now their publicly proclaimed number one fan. Our offices provide a venue where product design and development, innovative technologies and problem solving, in a team setting takes place. New and renewable energy initiatives are developed and discussed. Problems in manufacturing industries are solved. All of this in the spirit of how to make our world a better place to live in. All this available and accessible to our students and corporate partners, who then hire our students because of the quality of their work. This is exciting. This is what we do in China and this is amazing to be a part of. And for those familiar to where the China Institute, the city is called Suzhou Industrial Park, and by industrial park I don't mean your 30 building, semis parked in the back, industrial park. SIP is a city with a population of 2 million people and government officials that support our initiatives. For that, we are grateful.
Our university was for many years the best kept secret in the Mid-West, in the world Catholic higher education. We are an international organization and the research, development and scholarly work that is done, builds bridges of learning, of cultural understanding and in faith, provides opportunities for our students to serve communities, near and far with the skills and knowledge they have developed. Other institutions of higher learning may say they do the same thing. Maybe they do. That's OK. We are intentional about the relationships we build, the scholar work taking place inside and out of our classrooms and the opportunities to serve and think of others, of our communities before ourselves. That is the mark our students leave in this world. What we want them to experience in Ohio, in China.
I could go on for another two or three entries. I have certainly not done justice to capture all the scents, conversations, eye-contacts, beauties at a museum and gardens, that I lived over a period of six days in China. It is impossible to tell the story of the twenty five alumni who joined us for dinner and asked how "Professor So and So" is; alumni who said they get together at least once a week because at UD they became best friends. I am not doing this fascinating country and culture justice. All my heart and my head, and in this case my hands (quickly typing away!), compel me to do is tell the story as best as I can and more than anything, invite others to give it the benefit of the doubt. I, we, must invite others to give different cultures and countries the benefit of the doubt before casting judgement. You'd be surprised. I sure was. So, for now if I know you and we are friends, hit me up and I will be the first one to say, GO to China. You will love it.
May Buddha bless and be with everyone with peace, and abundant joy. Xie xie ni means thank you. Xie xie means just thanks... Xie xie ni, China. Xie Xie. I hope to go back some day.
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