Just a little reminder about change! Bring it on...

I realized earlier this week I had not posted in over 4 months.  My self-proclaimed no. 1 fan said "You know what I miss? I miss your blog."  Those words have echoed in my mind for a few days now, so here I am.  Where to begin and how to summarize the many thought running a million miles a minute inside my mind. 

I could write about the many wonderful things that happened to me this summer, or even in the last six months. I could write about how my life has taken an exquisitely lovely turn into the bliss of true love, partnership and the dawn of a new life that will bring much joy, never sugarcoating the challenges that may come, but looking at them in the face, saying "I am not afraid. I've made it this far!"

What seems to be bubbling up inside is a feeling of calmness, peace, with a hint of excitement of what may come.  New life, new routines, a move, a big move, a shift. In other words ...change.  Many of us can't quite handle change very well. And "change" itself can be yucky word symbolizing something may be broken and needs fixing, or an end, a loss; something we need to adjust and get used to again. 

But is it a "thing", this change we are so afraid of? No, I think it is in ourselves. We need to change, or figure out how to react when that change comes... I can speak for one that has HAD TO find an appreciation to balancing change with routine.  Yes, it's called balance: a novelty concept! ;-)  I am no expert in it, but I certainly have had to embrace it, and you know what... get used to it.  Change comes to our lives every day, at any age, in any shape or form.  From being a 12 year old whose mom suddenly dies, to having to leave the comfort zone that is home, family, for education and new perspective because you were taught just that: there is a whole world right in front of your eyes, if you just OPEN THEM!  

Change is good. It's not easy, I never said that.  But, amidst routines and staleness of how "things have been" or how "they used to be", the clock keeps ticking.  Time passes, and life is precious...Oh, so precious.  So, change comes.  So what do we do?  How do we handle it?  Do we get angry? Maybe. Sad? Sure.  I made a decision a long time ago to NOT allow the uncomfortable and sometimes awkward feelings that change brings to linger.  My pity parties are short lived--I simply don't have time for them.  Too many blessings and wonderful lives and loves to celebrate.  

CAVEAT:  I am more than aware that "change" comes in different layers of intensity as I have mentioned, so consider the word change loosely, yet loaded, as it can be applied to so many aspects in our lives. And I have learned from one person in particular how to handle major life change with patience, acceptance, grace, and even humor. He is my hero and my example... 

So, the decision is this, and I remind myself of it every day when anything hints change in my life... 

get over it, get used to it... Whatever it is that life places in front of you that prompts change, stand firm. Look at it in the eye and do not be afraid of it.  It's a lesson from a much higher power put forth because by now, you've been able to pass many a tests, jumped through hoops, survived some of the most horrific heartaches faced.  You are stronger than you know... and a little bit of change in your routine can be faced with strength, courage and resilience.  

On leadership...

"We shape our buildings, therefore, we shape us" - Winston Churchill

As part of a doctoral course, I recently had to examine and reflect on this quote from the famous Prime Minister of England, who said these words at a time his country had been ravaged by war and left with uncertainly for a future.  Indeed, a time that could be described as transformative, when transformative was certainly not as much a buzz word as it now...

My interpretation of the quote included, but was not limited to, a vision and understanding of how a physical space can touch, change a community's life.  A place can become alive for a person and impact their outlook on life.  A building can become a home and safe haven for employees. We, as people can physically shape the building by "using it", walking through its doors, riding elevators, chatting with co-workers at the water cooler, or doing our jobs in our stations.  This is of course, after the actual building has been built by hard working laborers who left their sweat and deep breaths with every brick and mortar laid. 

We shape our buildings, therefore we shape us, through the conversations that take place, the life experiences shared, the tears shed, as well as the laughs.

I believe it takes great leadership to make difficult decisions.  I don't know for a fact, but perhaps Winston Churchill had to decide to demolish a crumbling building in order to rebuild a new, stronger one, with a solid infrastructure and secure beams, to ensure its inhabitants, people, friends, and colleagues alike would have a roof over their heads long term.  Then more shaping takes place.  And the shaping is done by us, thanks to the building.  How do we come together to shape it better?  How are all members of a community invited to share views and opinion of what this so-called shaping should be.  Ultimately, how does this experience of exchanges, agreements, disagreements shape us as a community... Can we agree to disagree?  Can we come to a consensus?  Can we trust our leadership?  I hope yes...

As a self- proclaimed contradicting realist, who sees things from a practical perspective, never losing hope in the ideal, I hope negative circumstances and events in life shape us as a community of imperfectly human people to critically think and not lose sight of the greater good.  A city needs to be rebuilt.  A program should be evaluated and assessed to yield better results.  A leader must lead in order to prepare his or her people for what the future will bring.
 
We may not agree with the methods of the re-shaping, but how that it is taking place place. What we must realize is that it is having a direct impact on us, therefore shaping us...  When we as a people embrace this concept, transformational learning takes place through transformational leadership. 

As I tackle my second quarter in the challenging yet fulfilling journey of doctoral studies in transformational leadership, I am reassured of what I have felt for a long time.  Kendra Cherry sums it up well.

"Transformational leaders not only challenge the status quo; they also encourage creativity among followers. The leader encourages followers to explore new ways of doing things and new opportunities to learn.

Transformational leadership also involves offering support and encouragement to individual followers. In order to foster supportive relationships, transformational leaders keep lines of communication open so that followers feel free to share ideas and so that leaders can offer direct recognition of the unique contributions of each follower.

Transformational leaders have a clear vision that they are able to articulate to followers. These leaders are also able to help followers experience the same passion and motivation to fulfill these goals.

The transformational leader serve as a role model for followers. Because followers trust and respect the leader, they emulate this individual and internalize his or her ideals."

I would add that the transformational leader would never lose the enthusiasm and fulfillment in the process, the journey. Having said that, a leader can't do it all alone. He or she needs a community, collective and supportive, in order to not genuinely strengthen the integrity of the organization, program or company.  

Is it easy? Of course not. We, individual adult learners, live and work every day challenged by the physical, spiritual and even hypothetical buildings we shape.  May we allow the same buildings to shape us in a way we can be proud of, with trust, faith, enthusiasm and hope.

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill.

Reference

 Cherry, K. What Is Transformational Leadership? How Transformational Leadership Inspire http://psychology.about.com/od/leadership/a/transformational.htm

A letter to my mother... Una carta para mi mamá...

Feb. 21, 2016

I found this draft... written four years ago, in St. Louis, MO.

Now, on the eve of 29 years after your departure, I feel you closer than ever...  GRACIAS, por iluminarme y aclararme las dudas que he tenido, através de tu mamá, nuestra Abuela Irma, tu hermana, Surama... y todos los demás que fueron parte de tu historia, y han sido parte de la mia.. Thank you for always being with me, and through so many people, feelings and hunches, even dreams, speak to me so I know you are never far.  When I wrote the letter below, I had just outlived you, recently turned 37.  Now, older and happier than ever with the woman that I am, I hope and pray you see that you did good... These days you are one with your parents, together after Abuela, so tired of a long life and many years without you, finally went your way in November. I am sure you and your awesome Papi, Abuelo Eddie, are all happy to be together...

Feb 21, 2012 

Dear Mama,

Eventhough we "talk" often, in dreams, in memories, in prayers, you know I like to write so I wrote you this letter on the eve of the day that changed my life 25 years ago. Feb. 22, 1987 is a date I will never forget.  We both know what happened, so I won't dwell on it- Jerry and I were at school, Papa was out of town. We were called in to talk to Padre Vela, where he told us you were gone. I remember it all very clearly and the days that followed.
But this letter is more to say thank you. While you might think I am still angry at you for leaving us, for not sticking around to see us grow, por tirar la toalla, the answer is no. I am not angry at anyone, for I have grown up and I thank you. For your life, as short as it was, was part of what has defined mine.  It has not been easy, especially recent years, but I never doubted your presence and support. I felt your hand on my shoulder as I faced unpleasant news, acts of injustice and challenging obstacles. I felt your hand on my shoulder. I felt your presence and a sense of peace and calmness came over me. I did it. I faced what I had to face with strength, a strength I had no idea I had. Perhaps you gave me the strength you couldn't find yourself to speak up, to say no, enough, that's not right, that is not the life I want to live. Perhaps...

I love to hear stories about you. EVERYONE I have met that knew you, loved you and said you were the life of the party. Sure, there were problems. Nobody is perfect. You were not. I certainly am not, but your imperfection has helped me become a stronger woman, a better mother. No one can take away MY memories of you. I remember the bad, but I also remember the good, and it sure outweighs the bad. You loved us dearly, you were fun. Alcahueta! You'd be lovin' and spoilin' Luis as often as your ability to get off the phone allowed. LOL Yes, like my friend Frankie often says "If your mother were around when they invented cell phones, she'd be on it all day!"

In your own way you have answered many questions I have had for 25 years. Thank you for that. I don't expect people to understand. This is my relationship with you. How different would it be if you were alive, I wonder? I hope, I have dreamed it pretty good. Like I dreamed last September of having girl talk in the kitchen, I was 36 (your age 25 years ago) and YOU were 36. I told you what someone had said to me and you said "tell them to f-off!" yeah! That's my mom, don't mess with her. You were there for me, like when you were there when Luis Enrique was born... I can count with one hand the people that know of Nurse Angie. Nurse Angie was the nurse that was with me during labor when Luis was born. I was in pain, medicated and couldn't take it anymore. Angie was awesome, held my hand, supported me, stayed until Luis came into this world... then she was gone. After an hour or so I asked where she went because I wanted to say thank her. The nurse on duty looked at me and said "there's no Angie working here." And just like that, there was no Angie, ever. Really? Who knows. I was NOT that out of it from the epidural... :) Anyway, thank you for sending Angie to help me out. I honestly couldn't have done it without her... or you.

You were beautiful, young and until the last year, full of life.  Your skin darkened, your hair thinned out even more than it had over the years.  You weighed less than 100 lbs. and mentally, well, you were in and out. When your tiny body gave in, you gave up. I know now you couldn't take the pressures of the demons that troubled you, the self inflicted pain and the pain others caused in you. I understand. I see you everyday in the mirror. No, I am not you, but I am part of you and you are part of me. Thank you for Abuela Irma, who I talked to a couple of weeks ago. She misses you so. I am sure Abuelo is so happy to be with you. He loved you more! I miss him dearly and think of him everyday.

I could mention others but that's not the point of this letter. This is for you, about you and me, from me. I have not enjoyed being a mother-less daughter, a mother-less mother, but I have enjoyed saying I was, I am your daughter and of memories created when I was little. How you loved Christmas, hosting Abuela y Abuelo every other weekend it felt like. That was the good, outweighing the bad. I am sorry I couldn't help you. What I can do for you is continue to love you, respect you as my mother and defend you with all that love and strength since you are not here to defend yourself, or your memory.  You were and are beautiful, smart, talented and I miss you more now than 25 years ago. You will always be my mother and no one can take that away. For that, I am grateful.

Know that your portrait hangs in Luis' room. He sees you every day and knows you are also a guardian angel watching over him. Cuidamelo siempre, como me has cuidado a mi.
Gracias Mama...
Jessica, Gatita... Tata.

One word: Thank you!

How to sum up a year? How is it possible to describe an array of experiences, emotions, reactions, rejections, all valid, all appreciated, even in the midst of the fog they might have emerged from. Since the 41st year of my life began exactly two months ago, I will spare you the redundancy that would be the lessons learned during the previous and the awesomeness that has manifested from that moment on...  All mostly still in effect, so for a recollection of the last year accounts of the mis-adventures of Jessica, see post "525,600 minutes." You won't be disappointed.

The latter part of 2015 was a bit rough, I won't sugar-coated. I, we, lost loved ones. And you know what, it was painful. In fact, it sucked! These were people of faith who lived their lives in love, for family, dedicated to careers, as wives, mothers, grandmothers, mentors, friends, teachers, priests, giants and scholars, all with the biggest hearts one can only imagine.  For those of us who were touched, nurtured, taught, challenged and loved by all of them, we are blessed. We are better people then we were a month ago, six months, a year ago. So, thank you.

Thank you... for the laughter.

Thank you... for the tears you wiped away.

Thank you.... for the questions I had trouble answering but made me think.

Thank you... for listening when that is all that was needed at the time. No response, no critique, just to listen.

Thank you... for challenging my decisions, for YOU KNEW they weren't really what my heart wanted.

Thank you... for helping me be patient.

Thank you... for reminding us to simply observe and discern; to slow down and have faith. The truth always comes out.

Thank you... for my friends, my colleagues and intellectual equals who fill my mind and heart with the joy of learning, and quench my thirst for knowledge, while nurturing the heart with love.

Thank you... for the children in our lives and the smiles they bring to our souls, for they are "us" and we rejoice in seeing them grow into their own selves, as better versions of ourselves! ;-)

Thank you ... for new days and new year's eves we can celebrate in love and life, in prayer and in sincere gratefulness so we never, ever, take for granted a day in our lives. Each day is a gift and to share that gift with our loved ones is a blessing.

It's only January 7, 2016, and already so many wonderful things are happening.  They can be as simple as a "good morning" or a "thank you" or a "God bless you" or an "I love you"-- all wonderful and all real. No resolutions here, perhaps only to be reminded to enjoy each day and see the good in what it brings, regardless of its challenges. Oh yeah, and homework, now that doctoral studies are HERE. Yes, that too is real! ;-) Take this year and make it yours. DO IT! Have faith and patience and let that be star that guides your way...