I can't quite recall the precise moment when I made perhaps the most important decision of my life: I would go to college in the USA, and not stay in Puerto Rico. Was I ten, fourteen? I don't know, I can't remember. What I do remember is that there was no question about it. Some how, some day I would experience a "real" college experience, along with plaid skirts and cardigans (generously provided by dad during my fall visit to the future campus of my dreams...).
CAVEAT-- I use the word "real" when I described college just now, not from an academic or career preparedness point of view, for Puerto Rico has an exceptional higher educational system. I am speaking from the perspective that at the time, all I knew about Puerto Rico's universities was that you commuted and lived at home. Yup, pretty much that is all I knew, other than the lines to register were ridiculously long and from one corner of campus, they sent my cousin Sandra to the other, and again, there and back. I was 13 or so, and remember going along for the ride. Pretty much that afternoon I realized where I did NOT want to go. I wanted to live in a dorm, to walk to class and occasionally engage in an impromptu snowball fight. That to me, the 12-13 yr old at the time, was college. Again... it's my perspective at the time, so chill before you cast judgement. ;)
We all have our own opinions, perspectives from which we see things, experience life. At times the perspective is so myopic it blinds you and trumps any hint of long-term hopes, dreams, expectations. At times you have to get away and see things from the outside, looking in. Even, vice versa, being far away too long can leave you disengaged, unattached, disenchanted. Where I am going with this related to something I have experienced since I came to Dayton for college, lived in Ohio for 15 years before moving back home, and back in the US after roughly 18 months.
And here I thought with time all things fall into place. Well, hello, little girl, wake up and smell the Starbucks. As a student from Puerto Rico, in a predominantly white (never mind the mere fact that I grew up WHITE until I moved to Ohio, but that's another blog, and it will be a good and long one!) mid western university, I embraced every ounce of "Americanness" I can witness... However, I spoke Spanish with my roommate, meet my other friends from PR at 6 p.m. every night for dinner and you could almost see the imaginary "SPANISH ONLY" sign glowing above our heads like a theatre marquee on Broadway. Ahhh, finally, a break. Headache gone, now back to work, back to English.
Many of you know the rest of the story. Got my degree in English, traveled for two years with 300 of my closest friends and made memories that last a lifetime. Then, came back to Ohio. The career that eventually became my true vocation: higher education, awareness and access to it, even challenged and welcomed me with a new concept: to experience what it meant to be pigeon hold. Pigeon what?? Oh I think I eventually got it. You are a pigeon and you are in a cage and/or are allowed to move in very small spaces, or even ignored. I learned that from my African American friends who would say they never want to be that, the "token" Black this and Black that. I got it, but I hadn't really experienced it.
One day I was told I was doing this and doing that simply because I was Hispanic. Excuse, me, what? I wasn't asked, I wasn't considered, there was no question. I was the token Hispanic, so that was my job. Ok, no, no negative sentiments here, I am merely trying to tell a story, my story from this unique cultural point of view- the self-imposed bi-cultural one. I was not dropped in the great Miami River my mistake. I chose to live here, I choose to live here; this is home. Of course, life comes with its complications and with people who have opinions, not similar to our own. Ok. I am cool. However, the way I saw my being Hispanic and automatically being "labeled" as the advocate, tended to be more than the usual, to justify certain behaviors, status quo, some people might say stereotype. Why, because you are Hispanic. Hell no!
If you want to see my Hispanic or Latina (whatever you want to call IT) "passion", in other words, fury or anger, politely and passive-aggressively disguised in disappointment, ask me to perpetuate the stereotypes. I refuse. And with this, I arrive at the main point of this long (sorry, gots lots in my mind) entry... I challenge status quo, I respect the rules, processes and procedures. I am goal-oriented and take a lot of things seriously, especially, as a result of life experiences. For this and many other attributes that make me who I am, to some, I am not as Puerto Rican as I should be. I am not bashing my culture. I am simply frustrated that throughout the years, people only believe being from Puerto Rico only rests in partying, drinking, being loud, eating good food. Yes, of course we have some of that, some more than others. The truth is, we are so much more.
Being from Puerto Rico means we are fully bilingual AND multicultural, we may come from an island but we see with global perspectives. We enjoy life, yes we do, but it's because we work very hard to gain respect, support our families and too, have the American dream, whatever that may mean to each person individually.
Still, the pigeon is getting antsy and needs to get out of the cage. So what does she do? She learns new skills, escapes and flys away. She easily adapts to new surroundings. Ah, but she is not from there, truly she is not really from her adoptive home. It's like she doesn't fit in... but in her heart she knows she does.
I always, always, always fought the notion of clicks. And boy, did it get me in trouble every time I didn't "join in" and sat with the cool kids. Talk about being pigeon hold. Yea, that's what happens when you don't want to sit with the cool kids at the lunch table. Pigeon had to fly in the opposite direction; the one of vision for the future, of hope and opportunity.
Here's the funny fact about all of this... I don't want to get pigeon hold, but if something comes up remotely related to where I am from, who I am culturally and how I relate to the culture that raised me and made me who I am, emotions are going to fly and they will fly in all different directions--haha, like pigeon! No, no pun intended. How many of you out there are there?? I am sure there's lots of you that feel the same. You are the expert, or so called expert in your culture, well, duh, because it's YOURS. But, don't stereotype and assume we are all the same or that I am going to condone certain expectations and behaviors that are simply wrong, just because of Mr. So and So's beliefs of my culture is the only one he sees. I will tell you the truth; I have been telling you the truth, Mr. So and So, you just don't like to hear it.
So, what's the point? I thought time would heal the somewhat superficial wounds of questions like "what is your true self?" In Puerto Rico I have been too gringa, in the States I have been Puerto Rican only by demand and not my merit. The truth is, some of those wounds are not so superficial, but deep cuts made over over 10 years ago that still provoke sobs and tears to stream down my face.
I recently watched a fascinating mini-series from the 1980's called "The Far Pavilions" about a young British boy raised in India by his Indian nanny after his parents are killed. For eleven years he believed he was Indian. He was sent back to England when his adoptive mother died and there he stayed until he became a soldier. He was stationed now in India. Ashton, or Ashok, related so well to the Indians he was constantly questioning British rule, colonization, abuse of human rights. He questioned his Indian self, his English self, in search of his true self. He prayed to the mountains, the Far Pavilions and eventually chose his true self, and stayed in India.
I guess this was more of a confessional... Yes, I am Puerto Rican and it is who I am, where I am from and what made me the person that eventually chose to live in this country, in this culture, embrace it and relate to it. I do love living here. I am the best of both worlds and it's not easy. Actually, it sucks at times. At least I have my own Far Pavillion to look out to and pray to... my chapel, my blue dome. That is where I am my true self.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Amnesia is not tolerated!
Admittedly tired, yet keeping calm because an extra glob of anti-wrinkle cream will smoothly hide any new lines I earned this weekend, I look outside the window. For 8:43 p.m. it's still light out and that is good! I love summer... or should I say, late spring. The second weekend in June has come and gone, once again.
For those of us working and living in academia (which often seems a world of its own, you know, like Narnia) we must make a note that it is a world the includes learning, research and whether we like it or not, public relations. GASP.. Yes, I just committed academic blasphemy! Relax and keep reading. ;)
I come from a higher education perspective that would unfortunately, cease to exist if all affected or touched by it suffered from amnesia. Memory loss is unacceptable and seriously frowned upon. I work in an area that relies solely on memories, past experiences, good and bad. Where nine out of ten members of this crazy community believe in people who taught them to think, to serve, to ask questions. In people that were strangers at 17, but became soul mates and friends for life by the time they were 22. Every day I speak to individuals who know a bar is not just a bar, but often a sacred space of gathering and having perhaps, some of the most meaningful, thought-provoking conversations; where tailgating "in the snow" means so much when it's February because we "are" a basketball school; a place where people know that the word "ghetto" is NEVER meant to be used in a negative or derogatory way and where an oversize, mascot-like aviator sports his bomber jacket strutting his swag down pavers that lead to what was once Rudy's Fly-By.
Well, folks, I hope you get it by now. My daily dose of espresso-filled I-V as a professional in higher education is not immersed in your typical public relations, however. My world is alumni relations. Yes, we deal with the public and we must strengthen and build on relationships. However, our "public" is a tiny bit exclusive. They all have one thing in common. They graduated from the same university.
Celebrating the past only feeds the future and that is what I love the most of what we do. Not that reliving the best years of our lives isn't the highlight of my work days. That is certainly part of it. However, the fire that was lit in the hearts of those former students, now proud and loyal alumni, is still burning. We are grateful.
Alumni are the future of an institution. They were once the very students who questioned the truth, who stayed up all night to complete a challenging research project suggested by a professor just because he said "you can do this"--- Insert expletive here!--- only to much later realize, he was right. That very professor who challenged the student, saw promise and believed. Thank you tough, antiquated professor, for the tougher the class, the more you truly learned. Because you remember. ;)
While we are all about the history, traditions and memories made in college years of past, allow me to once again make a point and point (no, no pun intended!) to the future. Alumni came and went this weekend. Second weekend in June, Dayton, Ohio. The questions, stories, memories made were slightly different though. Ha! Gotcha! Alumni made new memories visiting with current students, asking THEM questions, listening to THEIR stories, feeling hopeful about THEIR DREAMS, much like they felt 15, 20, 50 years ago. I witnessed joy, craziness incarnate at the late hours of the night (or should I say earliest hours of the morning;)) and a re-commitment of love and loyalty to the alma mater that educated all. To witness generosity at its core and a belief in helping fulfill dreams of others, strangers first, Flyers forever. I am one lucky gal. This is their university now. This was their university then. This is our university, too.
To the past, present and future, cheers!!
For those of us working and living in academia (which often seems a world of its own, you know, like Narnia) we must make a note that it is a world the includes learning, research and whether we like it or not, public relations. GASP.. Yes, I just committed academic blasphemy! Relax and keep reading. ;)
I come from a higher education perspective that would unfortunately, cease to exist if all affected or touched by it suffered from amnesia. Memory loss is unacceptable and seriously frowned upon. I work in an area that relies solely on memories, past experiences, good and bad. Where nine out of ten members of this crazy community believe in people who taught them to think, to serve, to ask questions. In people that were strangers at 17, but became soul mates and friends for life by the time they were 22. Every day I speak to individuals who know a bar is not just a bar, but often a sacred space of gathering and having perhaps, some of the most meaningful, thought-provoking conversations; where tailgating "in the snow" means so much when it's February because we "are" a basketball school; a place where people know that the word "ghetto" is NEVER meant to be used in a negative or derogatory way and where an oversize, mascot-like aviator sports his bomber jacket strutting his swag down pavers that lead to what was once Rudy's Fly-By.
Well, folks, I hope you get it by now. My daily dose of espresso-filled I-V as a professional in higher education is not immersed in your typical public relations, however. My world is alumni relations. Yes, we deal with the public and we must strengthen and build on relationships. However, our "public" is a tiny bit exclusive. They all have one thing in common. They graduated from the same university.
Celebrating the past only feeds the future and that is what I love the most of what we do. Not that reliving the best years of our lives isn't the highlight of my work days. That is certainly part of it. However, the fire that was lit in the hearts of those former students, now proud and loyal alumni, is still burning. We are grateful.
Alumni are the future of an institution. They were once the very students who questioned the truth, who stayed up all night to complete a challenging research project suggested by a professor just because he said "you can do this"--- Insert expletive here!--- only to much later realize, he was right. That very professor who challenged the student, saw promise and believed. Thank you tough, antiquated professor, for the tougher the class, the more you truly learned. Because you remember. ;)
While we are all about the history, traditions and memories made in college years of past, allow me to once again make a point and point (no, no pun intended!) to the future. Alumni came and went this weekend. Second weekend in June, Dayton, Ohio. The questions, stories, memories made were slightly different though. Ha! Gotcha! Alumni made new memories visiting with current students, asking THEM questions, listening to THEIR stories, feeling hopeful about THEIR DREAMS, much like they felt 15, 20, 50 years ago. I witnessed joy, craziness incarnate at the late hours of the night (or should I say earliest hours of the morning;)) and a re-commitment of love and loyalty to the alma mater that educated all. To witness generosity at its core and a belief in helping fulfill dreams of others, strangers first, Flyers forever. I am one lucky gal. This is their university now. This was their university then. This is our university, too.
To the past, present and future, cheers!!
Sunday, May 26, 2013
The time to DO is now!
Oh Captain, my captain!
That is by far one of the best lines from one of the best movies ever made, about the impact a teacher can have in his/her students. From Dead Poets Society to my Religion and Literature course team-taught by two brilliant professors, who secretly hated each other, but somehow made us journey into a crazy, mixed up mindset of curriculum development, where scripture can be compared page by page to works of classical fiction. I mean, don't you know that Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is clearly the story of Creation and the exploration of the challenges in the relationship between a father and son? You knew that, right? :) Nerd moment, sorry! ;)
What does Dead Poets Society and my Rel/Lit class have to do with each other? Well, during class, our Prof quoted the famous line "Oh Captain, my captain" and you can be sure he continued to explain the essence of Carpe Diem, seize the day. No, he didn't climb on top of the desk (I did when I taught at Colegio San Jose and did make some of my students do the same!! Shhh, don't tell you know who!;))
What our professor did made even more sense, although we didn't think so at the time. He told us NOT to get all enthralled in the whole seize the day thing, life is too short, or the current vernacular much embraced by millennials, including (Lord, help me) my 10 year old, YOLO: you only live once. PAUSE for dramatic effect. Wait, what? Right, he said DON'T make a decision because simply it feels good, or do something because you might think it's the last time you will get that chance.
I know, I know, don't like this Prof much. He continued... Think about it, he said to us. Sometimes we make stupid decisions simply because we don't think about either the consequences, or we just don't think. You gotta think. Thinking is good, absolutely, and at the moment you are faced with a decision, or at a crossroads, think before you act. CAVEAT--- from the professor and from my own personal experience, can we find a balance???
Light bulb! The balance between thinking on our feet and making a decision at a moment that may change our lives or allow us to experience own very own life and make memories.That is the main lesson here boys and girls. I think what I learned is not that life is too short, but that we only have ONE life to live. Applause for the unintended soap opera pun! ;)
My intent is definitely to keep this post light and not go into an existentialistic -over-my-head rant, but more so to say that today and lately, I have realized that for a long time I thought, and planned, and kept thinking, and thought some more, when opportunities to experience certain things in life, take chances, risk embarrassment, all in all, live, came up, I did nothing. I didn't seize the moment. I didn't live my only life to live. Now, of course, I am still here and I get the whole seize the moment thing, but I make sure it's for the best. I do live my live, in a good, positive, respectful way.
And so, at a time where all things life-related seem to be falling into unexpectedly fitting places, I am better prepared and ready to seize the day, yell out my very own YOLO and climb on top of the desk and scream "Oh Captain, my captain!"
Now, my prayer or wish for all today is, think. Sure, think because you have to. BUT LIVE, and DO. Think and plan as much as you need to, but don't let life pass you by while you are caught up in the thinking. Personally, after thinking and thinking and overly thinking about taking a trip to see my family, I DID it! It will be short, but quality beats quantity ANY day!
Don't get me wrong, thinking and planning about what to do is OK- this is coming from an obsessive, compulsive, planner- but some times you just have to say "enough with the thinking, it's TIME FOR DOING!" The time to DO is now! :)
That is by far one of the best lines from one of the best movies ever made, about the impact a teacher can have in his/her students. From Dead Poets Society to my Religion and Literature course team-taught by two brilliant professors, who secretly hated each other, but somehow made us journey into a crazy, mixed up mindset of curriculum development, where scripture can be compared page by page to works of classical fiction. I mean, don't you know that Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is clearly the story of Creation and the exploration of the challenges in the relationship between a father and son? You knew that, right? :) Nerd moment, sorry! ;)
What does Dead Poets Society and my Rel/Lit class have to do with each other? Well, during class, our Prof quoted the famous line "Oh Captain, my captain" and you can be sure he continued to explain the essence of Carpe Diem, seize the day. No, he didn't climb on top of the desk (I did when I taught at Colegio San Jose and did make some of my students do the same!! Shhh, don't tell you know who!;))
What our professor did made even more sense, although we didn't think so at the time. He told us NOT to get all enthralled in the whole seize the day thing, life is too short, or the current vernacular much embraced by millennials, including (Lord, help me) my 10 year old, YOLO: you only live once. PAUSE for dramatic effect. Wait, what? Right, he said DON'T make a decision because simply it feels good, or do something because you might think it's the last time you will get that chance.
I know, I know, don't like this Prof much. He continued... Think about it, he said to us. Sometimes we make stupid decisions simply because we don't think about either the consequences, or we just don't think. You gotta think. Thinking is good, absolutely, and at the moment you are faced with a decision, or at a crossroads, think before you act. CAVEAT--- from the professor and from my own personal experience, can we find a balance???
Light bulb! The balance between thinking on our feet and making a decision at a moment that may change our lives or allow us to experience own very own life and make memories.That is the main lesson here boys and girls. I think what I learned is not that life is too short, but that we only have ONE life to live. Applause for the unintended soap opera pun! ;)
My intent is definitely to keep this post light and not go into an existentialistic -over-my-head rant, but more so to say that today and lately, I have realized that for a long time I thought, and planned, and kept thinking, and thought some more, when opportunities to experience certain things in life, take chances, risk embarrassment, all in all, live, came up, I did nothing. I didn't seize the moment. I didn't live my only life to live. Now, of course, I am still here and I get the whole seize the moment thing, but I make sure it's for the best. I do live my live, in a good, positive, respectful way.
And so, at a time where all things life-related seem to be falling into unexpectedly fitting places, I am better prepared and ready to seize the day, yell out my very own YOLO and climb on top of the desk and scream "Oh Captain, my captain!"
Now, my prayer or wish for all today is, think. Sure, think because you have to. BUT LIVE, and DO. Think and plan as much as you need to, but don't let life pass you by while you are caught up in the thinking. Personally, after thinking and thinking and overly thinking about taking a trip to see my family, I DID it! It will be short, but quality beats quantity ANY day!
Don't get me wrong, thinking and planning about what to do is OK- this is coming from an obsessive, compulsive, planner- but some times you just have to say "enough with the thinking, it's TIME FOR DOING!" The time to DO is now! :)
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The vine, the wine of friendship...
Haven't we heard the following statement many times: "Friends are the family that you choose"? Well, these words could not have been uttered in a more honest, completely truthful and heart-pounding way.
One of our "kid" brothers, member of our spiritual family, made a life choice this weekend and committed to living in community. He is from Ohio, but friends and "family members" came from Hawaii, Texas, New York. Blessings and congratulations were sent virtually from Africa, Italy, Ireland, Korea, India... From all over the world, family members sent their love.
Like many conferences, even special family milestone occasions, like a wedding, have a prep day of sorts. Relatives and out of towners are arriving all throughout the day- and night! After the prep day, there's a pre-party of sorts, then of course, THE party and duh, the after party.
My friends and I, my local family by choice, are no exception. I am blessed to be part of a global, extended spiritual family that has been by my side, for better or worse... most visibly, for worse. I love them for it.
The pre-party took some of us, after a long, very long, day of work to impatiently gather awaiting for the arrival of more brothers and sisters in friendship. Yes, a space to gather can be a kitchen, a dining room, a porch. Our place of gathering, this time around is our own version of Cheers! A place where when you walk in, everybody knows your name. We move from a small table to an even bigger table, as more friends' arrival times begin to fall one on top of the other. Do an about face and the tenth person has walked in. YEAH! Smiles, cheers, claps, pure joy! We all came together to celebrate our brother, our mission, our friendships and commitments to our community. BIG smile :-D
New faces, old faces, new friendships were born this weekend, old friendships were strengthened. All with the power and faith to last forever.
The celebration and AFTER party: an opportunity to witness over 100 people who love, who believe and who have hope. Friends of friends who know us better than we think we know ourselves. At times friends, with a wink of an eye, share a moment, an inside joke, a memory, deliciously savored just by them, because it was their moment; their memory. Don't you love those?? Like your own set of clues to a hidden treasure only you two, or three, or twelve, know how to figure out. Off you go, together, on a treasure hunt. How cool are those friendships!
Now of course, we can't keep some of our closest friends to ourselves. That is the unfortunate selfish part of each of us that wants to keep our special friends to ourselves. Well, we can't some times. We must share our loves, our friends, our soul mates, with the world. What we are left with, is the joy of the memories and the friendships that live and will continue to live on as long as God allows it... or allows us to remember.
At the end of the weekend, much like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, it's pumpkin time. Reality check. Reality bites. We must say goodbye. One more gathering, please. There has to be plenty of leftovers from the night before. Yes, there are!! Let's stretch this celebration of friendship as long as we can. Wait, what? Oh yeah, you have a plane to catch. Tomorrow's Monday and some of us have to work. OK. I'll bite. I have to say good bye. Reality does bite and it bit hard.
While all of this took place on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and I found myself driving back and forth from the church, retreat center, community and home, the "Les Miserables" soundtrack played in my car. One of the songs sums up the weekend for me and inspired the title of this entry. Some of you will recognize it right away and even though, my friends might think the title "Drink with me" is the reason why I think this song is perfect, you are wrong. This weekend is beautifully summed up in the following lines and with them I leave you and I dedicate them to my friends, my family!
"At the shrine of friendship, never say die. Let the wine of friendship never run dry. Here's to them and here's to you"
One of our "kid" brothers, member of our spiritual family, made a life choice this weekend and committed to living in community. He is from Ohio, but friends and "family members" came from Hawaii, Texas, New York. Blessings and congratulations were sent virtually from Africa, Italy, Ireland, Korea, India... From all over the world, family members sent their love.
Like many conferences, even special family milestone occasions, like a wedding, have a prep day of sorts. Relatives and out of towners are arriving all throughout the day- and night! After the prep day, there's a pre-party of sorts, then of course, THE party and duh, the after party.
My friends and I, my local family by choice, are no exception. I am blessed to be part of a global, extended spiritual family that has been by my side, for better or worse... most visibly, for worse. I love them for it.
The pre-party took some of us, after a long, very long, day of work to impatiently gather awaiting for the arrival of more brothers and sisters in friendship. Yes, a space to gather can be a kitchen, a dining room, a porch. Our place of gathering, this time around is our own version of Cheers! A place where when you walk in, everybody knows your name. We move from a small table to an even bigger table, as more friends' arrival times begin to fall one on top of the other. Do an about face and the tenth person has walked in. YEAH! Smiles, cheers, claps, pure joy! We all came together to celebrate our brother, our mission, our friendships and commitments to our community. BIG smile :-D
New faces, old faces, new friendships were born this weekend, old friendships were strengthened. All with the power and faith to last forever.
The celebration and AFTER party: an opportunity to witness over 100 people who love, who believe and who have hope. Friends of friends who know us better than we think we know ourselves. At times friends, with a wink of an eye, share a moment, an inside joke, a memory, deliciously savored just by them, because it was their moment; their memory. Don't you love those?? Like your own set of clues to a hidden treasure only you two, or three, or twelve, know how to figure out. Off you go, together, on a treasure hunt. How cool are those friendships!
Now of course, we can't keep some of our closest friends to ourselves. That is the unfortunate selfish part of each of us that wants to keep our special friends to ourselves. Well, we can't some times. We must share our loves, our friends, our soul mates, with the world. What we are left with, is the joy of the memories and the friendships that live and will continue to live on as long as God allows it... or allows us to remember.
At the end of the weekend, much like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, it's pumpkin time. Reality check. Reality bites. We must say goodbye. One more gathering, please. There has to be plenty of leftovers from the night before. Yes, there are!! Let's stretch this celebration of friendship as long as we can. Wait, what? Oh yeah, you have a plane to catch. Tomorrow's Monday and some of us have to work. OK. I'll bite. I have to say good bye. Reality does bite and it bit hard.
While all of this took place on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and I found myself driving back and forth from the church, retreat center, community and home, the "Les Miserables" soundtrack played in my car. One of the songs sums up the weekend for me and inspired the title of this entry. Some of you will recognize it right away and even though, my friends might think the title "Drink with me" is the reason why I think this song is perfect, you are wrong. This weekend is beautifully summed up in the following lines and with them I leave you and I dedicate them to my friends, my family!
"At the shrine of friendship, never say die. Let the wine of friendship never run dry. Here's to them and here's to you"
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Gotta do the dance...
There's an image in my mind since Saturday that I can't shake... I was at a funeral.
Now I am sure the first impression you get as you read this is "oh, that's so sad" or "who died?" Well, yes, it was sad, but we were in fact celebrating a man whose life was bigger than him- literally!
This is not a eulogy or tribute to Fr. Joe, although he sure deserves more than I could ever express. I really didn't know him as well as others far better qualified. The image in my head was that of one of his brothers, sharing stories and memories shaking his hips, pretending to dance. "Joe loved to dance." Joe was big and tall and loved to dance. No matter what life brought him, everyone said he danced... to the beat of his own drum, his communities, his brothers and his vocation. He did the dance... and doing the dance, working for his vocation and mission in life, left this earth too soon.
As I look up and smile, fully knowing in my heart that all the angels I know up there are looking after us, I am at peace. However... I know that perhaps on not so good days, I may have to do the dance. Hmm? Stay with me. I have a point, promise. :)
I love to dance. Have I ever mentioned that? Probably not as much as I could. I don't cook often (my family will be first ones to point that out!), but when I do, the music is playing in the kitchen, and I dance. I dance in the morning while I am getting ready. I dance when I clean-ugh- and even in the car.
When things aren't going well, I dance in a different way. Life is complicated and people add to the complexity of the ins and outs, yings and yangs, ups and downs of our dear lives. We have to learn to do the dance. While you may not compare dancing in a musical, a ballet, a night club or in the kitchen, to "doing the dance of life", think about it. We all play different roles. We are daughters, mothers, fathers, sons, brothers, friends, co-workers, spouses. Each role has a job description of sorts, certain behaviors you may have to learn as you either change roles from daughter to mother, or from married to divorce. You learn to do the dance. The dance is the flow of things, the balancing act of personalities and expectations each member of your circle or community has. The dance is the pattern of daily tasks, jobs to complete meetings to attend. Projects to complete, calls to returns. Some people are very good dancers. ;)
Whether we like it or not, we gotta learn to do the dance. When a difficult divorce leaves one party in a place of hurt, intentional deceit and pain, you do the dance. You make it work. When an assignment is due within a small window and panic may strike, you do the dance. You make it work. If there's tension at work, but you have the best intentions to make things go smoothly for the benefit of the organization, you do the dance. You make it work.
I hope by now you see the connection. At least for me, while Joe loved to dance and did it well, he also "did the dance" and made his life work. He danced with joy! When I dance, I relax and regress to my home culture and joy de vivre outlook on life, no matter how often or focused I also HAD to do the dance... Yes, I do the dance now. We all do, to a degree. The cool thing is that some of us now do the dance naturally and gracefully, while others may need our help. Practice makes perfect and some of us have been dancing and dancing for a number of years... No one said it was easy, but why not try to look at things from that perspective. It may help.
Thanks Joe, for the inspiration. Life and experiences teach you many different ways to apply your dance skills... some for fun, others to have fun while balancing awkward relationships, job demands and kids' schedules. Even if you don't realize it, you do the dance... and I am sure you do it well! The moral of the story, at least in my opinion and based on my many opportunities to dance and to DO the dance, is that we gotta do it. You gotta do the dance to make it work, to make life work, even if things don't necessarily have anything to do with dancing. ;)
Now I am sure the first impression you get as you read this is "oh, that's so sad" or "who died?" Well, yes, it was sad, but we were in fact celebrating a man whose life was bigger than him- literally!
This is not a eulogy or tribute to Fr. Joe, although he sure deserves more than I could ever express. I really didn't know him as well as others far better qualified. The image in my head was that of one of his brothers, sharing stories and memories shaking his hips, pretending to dance. "Joe loved to dance." Joe was big and tall and loved to dance. No matter what life brought him, everyone said he danced... to the beat of his own drum, his communities, his brothers and his vocation. He did the dance... and doing the dance, working for his vocation and mission in life, left this earth too soon.
As I look up and smile, fully knowing in my heart that all the angels I know up there are looking after us, I am at peace. However... I know that perhaps on not so good days, I may have to do the dance. Hmm? Stay with me. I have a point, promise. :)
I love to dance. Have I ever mentioned that? Probably not as much as I could. I don't cook often (my family will be first ones to point that out!), but when I do, the music is playing in the kitchen, and I dance. I dance in the morning while I am getting ready. I dance when I clean-ugh- and even in the car.
When things aren't going well, I dance in a different way. Life is complicated and people add to the complexity of the ins and outs, yings and yangs, ups and downs of our dear lives. We have to learn to do the dance. While you may not compare dancing in a musical, a ballet, a night club or in the kitchen, to "doing the dance of life", think about it. We all play different roles. We are daughters, mothers, fathers, sons, brothers, friends, co-workers, spouses. Each role has a job description of sorts, certain behaviors you may have to learn as you either change roles from daughter to mother, or from married to divorce. You learn to do the dance. The dance is the flow of things, the balancing act of personalities and expectations each member of your circle or community has. The dance is the pattern of daily tasks, jobs to complete meetings to attend. Projects to complete, calls to returns. Some people are very good dancers. ;)
Whether we like it or not, we gotta learn to do the dance. When a difficult divorce leaves one party in a place of hurt, intentional deceit and pain, you do the dance. You make it work. When an assignment is due within a small window and panic may strike, you do the dance. You make it work. If there's tension at work, but you have the best intentions to make things go smoothly for the benefit of the organization, you do the dance. You make it work.
I hope by now you see the connection. At least for me, while Joe loved to dance and did it well, he also "did the dance" and made his life work. He danced with joy! When I dance, I relax and regress to my home culture and joy de vivre outlook on life, no matter how often or focused I also HAD to do the dance... Yes, I do the dance now. We all do, to a degree. The cool thing is that some of us now do the dance naturally and gracefully, while others may need our help. Practice makes perfect and some of us have been dancing and dancing for a number of years... No one said it was easy, but why not try to look at things from that perspective. It may help.
Thanks Joe, for the inspiration. Life and experiences teach you many different ways to apply your dance skills... some for fun, others to have fun while balancing awkward relationships, job demands and kids' schedules. Even if you don't realize it, you do the dance... and I am sure you do it well! The moral of the story, at least in my opinion and based on my many opportunities to dance and to DO the dance, is that we gotta do it. You gotta do the dance to make it work, to make life work, even if things don't necessarily have anything to do with dancing. ;)
Monday, May 6, 2013
I see good people...
Nobody is perfect. Nobody should judge others either. I mean, let's look in the mirror. Child, please. I do it too, mind you. At least I do my best to stop, think and DECIDE what comes out of my mouth before I say---peep---, especially if it's about another person. Then I stop myself. I am getting better at it with age.. LORD, I am getting old. ;)
People's quirkinesses make them unique. Those same nuances can be annoying... Ha, I have some myself. I need to pour sugar BEFORE I pour the coffee into my steamed milk. Duh, don't you know that will keep the milk from curdling. When I go to an amusement park, specifically to the Disney parks, I start clockwise versus counter-clockwise. Don't ask.., I just know that Magic Kingdom always started with Fantasy Land, then Adventure Land and that is clockwise. Weird, I know.
So, distinctive personality traits in others can drive people crazy. But isn't that what makes individuals a little wacky, and quite lovable at times? To be imperfectly perfect. I have used that phrase to even describe relationships. Who wants perfect... Perfect is boring. Imperfectly perfect in all its chaos. That I have embraced in others, perhaps in me.
One of my best friends is always and I mean ALWAYS late for everything. Being late is something that drives ME loca! I will forever challenge my very own cultural stereotype: Latinos are late for everything. Not me, NO sir! I rather arrive some place early and wait it out; gives me a chance to check out my surroundings. Yes, I am spying. LOL!
I decided to title this post "I see good people" because the line (spoken in a creepy "I see dead people" mental whisper--come on, admit it, you thought the same thing!) really spoke to me.
Two weekends ago a group of about 35 people came and painted my neighbor's house and did their landscape. It was a service group project, very Habitat for Humanity-like. The same weekend, I spent time with people who were on retreat learning about building Christian communities. Basically, intentional communities who share faith, prayer and a common goal of making the world a better place, looking through Marianist lenses. CAVEAT- for new readers, and I know I have some new ones, refer to some of my old posts for Marianist lingo and definitions- That day I saw good people, doing good things, all for others.
Later that day I got to interact with students from at least 6 different countries that were celebrating their graduation from the university. Students that leave their homeland, family and friends, commit to earning a degree in a foreign country and become part of our community is commendable. Isn't that how many countries and cultures were born? We some times are afraid of those same qualities or quirkinesses that make "them" different than us. I am sucker for people... Even considering the fact that I have been burnt, that we have been burnt. I see good people and I give them the benefit of the doubt.
Last week I got to meet up with a friend and walk around one of the toughest, or historically known, toughest neighborhoods in Cincinnati. I learned about homeless care, job training "second chances" and a conscious effort to help a community stay together. In its challenging days and times, there are good people there. I saw good people.
The news and the media focus so much on the negative. Sure, it sells. Scandal, gossip, war, ugh... It sells, yeah. Whatever! I wish, wish, the segment on NBC Nightly News "Making a Difference" would start, as well as close the broadcast. I wish we would feature more of our students' successes on campus, instead of the rules being broken. I wish more people would know that our teachers are paying out of their own pockets so their students have the necessary materials to do their work. I see good people...
I see leaders who are dedicated, heart, body and soul, to their vocation. By vocation, I mean it holistically---and that's a separate blog post for later!---who face challenges every single day, but they "take it in the face" for the benefit of the organization. Leaders who face adversity with dignity and courage are the best.. .the present ones, the often quiet ones, who make us believe again. I see good people.
In the midst of chaos, war, poverty and individual whatevers that make us irk or cringe at the sight of the very things or those you know who's that annoy us, I see people who care, who work hard, who love, who go the extra mile, and extend a helping hand. I see those who hug when a friend is in pain, who offer to help without uttering a word, but with an honest look in the eyes of the person in need.
I see good people and I am thankful.
People's quirkinesses make them unique. Those same nuances can be annoying... Ha, I have some myself. I need to pour sugar BEFORE I pour the coffee into my steamed milk. Duh, don't you know that will keep the milk from curdling. When I go to an amusement park, specifically to the Disney parks, I start clockwise versus counter-clockwise. Don't ask.., I just know that Magic Kingdom always started with Fantasy Land, then Adventure Land and that is clockwise. Weird, I know.
So, distinctive personality traits in others can drive people crazy. But isn't that what makes individuals a little wacky, and quite lovable at times? To be imperfectly perfect. I have used that phrase to even describe relationships. Who wants perfect... Perfect is boring. Imperfectly perfect in all its chaos. That I have embraced in others, perhaps in me.
One of my best friends is always and I mean ALWAYS late for everything. Being late is something that drives ME loca! I will forever challenge my very own cultural stereotype: Latinos are late for everything. Not me, NO sir! I rather arrive some place early and wait it out; gives me a chance to check out my surroundings. Yes, I am spying. LOL!
I decided to title this post "I see good people" because the line (spoken in a creepy "I see dead people" mental whisper--come on, admit it, you thought the same thing!) really spoke to me.
Two weekends ago a group of about 35 people came and painted my neighbor's house and did their landscape. It was a service group project, very Habitat for Humanity-like. The same weekend, I spent time with people who were on retreat learning about building Christian communities. Basically, intentional communities who share faith, prayer and a common goal of making the world a better place, looking through Marianist lenses. CAVEAT- for new readers, and I know I have some new ones, refer to some of my old posts for Marianist lingo and definitions- That day I saw good people, doing good things, all for others.
Later that day I got to interact with students from at least 6 different countries that were celebrating their graduation from the university. Students that leave their homeland, family and friends, commit to earning a degree in a foreign country and become part of our community is commendable. Isn't that how many countries and cultures were born? We some times are afraid of those same qualities or quirkinesses that make "them" different than us. I am sucker for people... Even considering the fact that I have been burnt, that we have been burnt. I see good people and I give them the benefit of the doubt.
Last week I got to meet up with a friend and walk around one of the toughest, or historically known, toughest neighborhoods in Cincinnati. I learned about homeless care, job training "second chances" and a conscious effort to help a community stay together. In its challenging days and times, there are good people there. I saw good people.
The news and the media focus so much on the negative. Sure, it sells. Scandal, gossip, war, ugh... It sells, yeah. Whatever! I wish, wish, the segment on NBC Nightly News "Making a Difference" would start, as well as close the broadcast. I wish we would feature more of our students' successes on campus, instead of the rules being broken. I wish more people would know that our teachers are paying out of their own pockets so their students have the necessary materials to do their work. I see good people...
I see leaders who are dedicated, heart, body and soul, to their vocation. By vocation, I mean it holistically---and that's a separate blog post for later!---who face challenges every single day, but they "take it in the face" for the benefit of the organization. Leaders who face adversity with dignity and courage are the best.. .the present ones, the often quiet ones, who make us believe again. I see good people.
In the midst of chaos, war, poverty and individual whatevers that make us irk or cringe at the sight of the very things or those you know who's that annoy us, I see people who care, who work hard, who love, who go the extra mile, and extend a helping hand. I see those who hug when a friend is in pain, who offer to help without uttering a word, but with an honest look in the eyes of the person in need.
I see good people and I am thankful.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
There and back like Bilbo Baggins?? Truth is... I never left.
Many of you have heard my story, feel my words take life as they jump off the page when ever I am asked. I tell my story. It's mine to tell and while I have been the main protagonist, the hero of my adventure and underdog of the challenging crossroads, there have also been antagonists, antiheroes and decision makers that worked very hard to leave a blotchy ink print on my story.
Eh, so what? Today I celebrated my story. Today I was reminded of aspects of my story that some judged. Today, I appreciated and celebrated my story with renewed commitment to my vocation, my career path, my personal journey, my real friends, all my loyal companions on this journey. Loyal followers of my story.
In a prayer service with my community of educators, we publicly committed and re-commited ourselves to an educational philosophy several embraced whole-heartedly. To most of us it is not just work related, it's a way of life. We are committed to Catholic and Marianist Education, specifically, Catholic higher education. Our commitment is to asking questions, to seek and discover new knowledge, while educating to serve others. We educate for justice, with a responsibility to community, ours and theirs... faceless brothers and sisters that don't have a voice or access to the possibility of what our learning spaces can provide. Magic.
We have faith. We believe in a greater being that gave us a gift. The gift of life, or of learning, is not for us to keep. The gift we receive, we give as gift. That is what we believe in and we hope that everyday this same seed is planted for our students to be nourished with.
One distinctive quality we maintain is a sense of stability. Stability may be measured by movement, physical or emotional perceptions, decisions and outcomes.
The stability of a program may be measured by the success of its purpose, strategy. Stability of a person? Usually by staying put- physically. Well, in my case, I have learned to embraced a holistic view of stability. While some people may be judged and labeled as stable because they have never left one place, never dared to move across the country, needless to say stand out of their comfort zone. "My, she is very stable- everything must be "together."' He, on the other hand has moved all over the place, make decisions that are perceived by all who know him as lacking depth and common sense. He is impulsive and forward-thinking. His energy is contagious, yet questioned. He is goal-oriented and always challenges himself to ask questions and to want more. He usually wants and strives for that very thing others say he can't have. They say... "my, he is a little unstable." However, there is a common thread, a chain linked by something bigger than him. A belief, a promise...
They way I see this and how it all relates to my story is that I have a common thread, my own unbreakable chain and the "thing" bigger than me and my adventures of going there and back, like Bilbo Baggins. My stability comes from my commitment to this educational philosophy. Since I went through formal formation, May 2005, I have lived it, prayed about it, and through its intercession, I am the educator and pathetically committed college-geek that I am. I left and came back. I left again and you know what--- it left with me. I came back again to work and live in an environment of knowledge and scholarship beautifully blended in compassion and leadership. All of this pointing to the direction of making and shaping the leaders of tomorrow. Cliche, right? Bring it...
The truth is, and today I proved it, I might have left the physical space and community I was a member of for years and now I am back, loving every minute of it. We may leave our homes after we become adults--- some people never really leave and that's OK---we may change jobs, ministries, even leave our churches or religious denominations. The question is do we really leave certain things behind? I don't think so. Some memories are stronger than others and therefore, difficult to forget. This is certainly not about dwelling in the past. This is about the voice that stays with us; the thread that weaves our beliefs, likes and dislikes, the gut feeling that talks to us and the heart that beats and makes us who we are. No matter where we go, no one can take that away from us.
That is what stability means to me... so the truth is, I took it with me. It never left me, therefore, I never left.
Eh, so what? Today I celebrated my story. Today I was reminded of aspects of my story that some judged. Today, I appreciated and celebrated my story with renewed commitment to my vocation, my career path, my personal journey, my real friends, all my loyal companions on this journey. Loyal followers of my story.
In a prayer service with my community of educators, we publicly committed and re-commited ourselves to an educational philosophy several embraced whole-heartedly. To most of us it is not just work related, it's a way of life. We are committed to Catholic and Marianist Education, specifically, Catholic higher education. Our commitment is to asking questions, to seek and discover new knowledge, while educating to serve others. We educate for justice, with a responsibility to community, ours and theirs... faceless brothers and sisters that don't have a voice or access to the possibility of what our learning spaces can provide. Magic.
We have faith. We believe in a greater being that gave us a gift. The gift of life, or of learning, is not for us to keep. The gift we receive, we give as gift. That is what we believe in and we hope that everyday this same seed is planted for our students to be nourished with.
One distinctive quality we maintain is a sense of stability. Stability may be measured by movement, physical or emotional perceptions, decisions and outcomes.
The stability of a program may be measured by the success of its purpose, strategy. Stability of a person? Usually by staying put- physically. Well, in my case, I have learned to embraced a holistic view of stability. While some people may be judged and labeled as stable because they have never left one place, never dared to move across the country, needless to say stand out of their comfort zone. "My, she is very stable- everything must be "together."' He, on the other hand has moved all over the place, make decisions that are perceived by all who know him as lacking depth and common sense. He is impulsive and forward-thinking. His energy is contagious, yet questioned. He is goal-oriented and always challenges himself to ask questions and to want more. He usually wants and strives for that very thing others say he can't have. They say... "my, he is a little unstable." However, there is a common thread, a chain linked by something bigger than him. A belief, a promise...
They way I see this and how it all relates to my story is that I have a common thread, my own unbreakable chain and the "thing" bigger than me and my adventures of going there and back, like Bilbo Baggins. My stability comes from my commitment to this educational philosophy. Since I went through formal formation, May 2005, I have lived it, prayed about it, and through its intercession, I am the educator and pathetically committed college-geek that I am. I left and came back. I left again and you know what--- it left with me. I came back again to work and live in an environment of knowledge and scholarship beautifully blended in compassion and leadership. All of this pointing to the direction of making and shaping the leaders of tomorrow. Cliche, right? Bring it...
The truth is, and today I proved it, I might have left the physical space and community I was a member of for years and now I am back, loving every minute of it. We may leave our homes after we become adults--- some people never really leave and that's OK---we may change jobs, ministries, even leave our churches or religious denominations. The question is do we really leave certain things behind? I don't think so. Some memories are stronger than others and therefore, difficult to forget. This is certainly not about dwelling in the past. This is about the voice that stays with us; the thread that weaves our beliefs, likes and dislikes, the gut feeling that talks to us and the heart that beats and makes us who we are. No matter where we go, no one can take that away from us.
That is what stability means to me... so the truth is, I took it with me. It never left me, therefore, I never left.
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