Monday, October 22, 2012


Oblivious: lacking remembrance, memory, or mindful attention; lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness. Thank you Webster.! I wanted to make sure I accurately defined the word that has been, both in my mind, but also captured feelings I collected. Here are samples of memories and experiences, both personal and from others.

This is certainly the word of the day. It is a word that summarizes how certain human species act, speak or treat others with complete, shameless, mind-boggling cluelessness and DISRESPECT for the aftermath or consequences that follow.

A student has taken all the courses necessary and he considers himself an "expert" in a subject. Years have gone by and he is constantly regarded as such and appreciated for his expertise, appreciation for the subject-matter and even asked to help with special projects. What happens with time is that the student, no-longer a student in age, but certainly in thirst of new knowledge that compliments and nourishes what he already knows, offers his same expertise, support. Even that same knowledge that was so well developed with time and resources at his fingertips, he wants to share. Unfortunately, for some reason, people he works with, even his own teachers, begin saying "NO" whenever he offers insight, suggestions, new ideas.

The "NO" is not the main issue. Actually, he is used to it, for he has lived through quite a few "no's" that only too often he wrestles with the question: "Am I the fool for believing in making a difference or for trying over and over again knowing I will get the same response?" Putting the "NO" and the question of whether or not to keep trying aside (because he knows in his heart he will keep on keeping on!) what is even more ridiculously insane is how the NOs (as we will call them) indeed say no and act so oblivious to the fact that the way they have shared this "no" has come across as condescending, disrespectful and even mean. And OMG, they still act like nothing happened. Back to the definition for the sake of having a good reference; mindful attention- NOT, lack conscious awareness- YES!... mindful attention and awareness is lacking when unfortunately, we say something, do something and don't realize how careless and insensitive we can be and waltz away cool as a cucumber soaking in a bath of gloat. Gross...

When it gets personal is when it really p....s you off! One time someone lied to my face and he knew that I knew that he was lying and acted like nothing. It ended up messing up a project for work and still to the day, he has not owned it, apologized for it. He pompously acts oblivious to what happened and how it has affected the work environment.

Another student once shared with me that her boyfriend used her. He used her emotionally, physically, spiritually. She was so enthralled with the relationship. She lived for this guy. He dragged her along and she went with it-most of it emotionally. She rearranged her entire life around him, he knew it and took advantage of the situation. It was all too convenient for him. Years later, in her attempts to be level-headed adult and maintain a friendship, he is clueless, oblivious to how deeply he hurt her. He not once, after all these years, owned his role during and in what came after the relationship ended. He would seek her out and be friendly, emailing, calling once in awhile,  acting like nothing happened. They had friends in common and went to the same college, so it was hard to completely walk away. Until now. Once more, in an email exchange, she waited for one caring word, one "how are you, really?, I am sorry I hurt you" but only the usual nothing came from him, just chit chat and chatter. Oblivious, he was, is, my young apprentice. Sorry he will be if he doesn't realize what he is doing, or should I say, what he hasn't done.

Today, yours truly experienced the lovely, bitter taste of the oblivious from a friend, or so I thought...
I called to say hello and check in with a friend I haven't seen in a while. We were close, very close. My friend goes "any news? So, what'cha got for me?" It's in the tone, carajo! Sorry to disappoint, but I got nothing for you other than hello, HOW are YOU and hope you are well? That's all... Coqui.... coqui.....coqui.   That's crickets.... crickets.... .crickets to all you non-Ricans. Apparently I needed a list of things to report back as a reason to call...  Seriously? I don't know, I was mad. Like I need a reason to call up a friend. Clueless! Yes, voice, I hear ya... some people are just like that, I guess. UGH. I think I just heard the voice say: child, please, just smile and walk away; kill'em with kindness, you'll go far and have less wrinkles!

OK, maybe I am just making a big deal about something small, maybe I shouldn't care. Maybe I shouldn't engage in conversations and completely walk away from those who act oblivious to me. However, speaking for someone who up to now only cared toooo much about what others think, say and believe about me, I have learned to pick my battles. I have learned to be much more aware of the way I do things, speak to others, make decisions. I am not perfect, no one is, but I will at least attempt to achieve perfect awareness so oblivious I become NOT! :)

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