Monday, December 31, 2012

Adios 2012, it's been real...

Everyone is posting Happy New Year this and Happy New Year that... Well, here's my end of year post and it comes in the most honest and open way I am ever so able to share will all of you.

In many ways, 2012 and I were either in sync or at odds with each other, just like many of you can relate when it comes to relationships or events in your lives.

Oh 2012 what a year you and I had. I must start with this letter to you ('twas not the original idea, but it works) mainly because I feel I owe you an honest account of all that happened between us, some good, some not so good, but all very much needed.

A year ago I welcomed you with so much hope, anticipation and faith in a new life, opportunities and a renewed spirit with an open heart to take on any challenge life would bring. Little did I know some of the biggest challenges were quickly to come and make appearances to disrupt the somewhat peaceful new life I had carved for myself and the kid.

You brought me a new home, new friends and a community to be part of my every day. Thank you for that. You challenged my work and skills to consider the remote possibilities of thinking outside of the box, while putting in my path teachers that will support me and check in on me, from time to time.

You showed me people's true colors. Perceptions and suspicions were confirmed. Actions spoke louder than words. People truly love from their heart. People also hate with envy. You showed it all to me this year and it was like a veil was lifted. To see a person deliberately hurt another, admit it and feel no remorse. You showed me that. But, in the midst of it all, I witnessed it first hand and emerged a different person. So thanks to you, 2012, I know how NOT to be, how NOT to treat others and how to respect and love people, regardless of what may seem... that is the lesson I learned from you.

2012, you also gave me love and abruptly snatched it away disguised in advice, better judgement and common sense. Understood. Still, it hurt, but it's better this way.

You slapped me with the reality check of significant losses when wins seemed so far away and unreachable. Why? Why the daily ying and yang of happy and sad, peace and turmoil, excitement and fear? Because that's life, the voice says---Ah, hi there, God, I know you have heard this song before, but it's appropriate given then it's time to kiss 2012 good bye. Yes, it is. Thanks. I am glad you approve. It's OK, I am ready.

______________Pause for disclaimer_________________ and change of tune!________________

2012 was a hell of a year, YES, damn it, a hell of a year. I lost loved ones, changed jobs, left a city I had never thought I would ever love so much, and said good bye to dear friends. In exchange, 2012, I now thank you, speaking as the person that emerged, scarred for life, out of the darkness of the turmoil you put me through.

You reminded me of a few things. You can go home, even when home is not "home home", but your adopted home. You never let me take for granted those people that have been part of my life for years. The same ones that have taught me perseverance, patience ( and I need it!), professional development and to believe in myself. You closed doors, but opened many windows. French-door windows with beautiful drapery full of colors, sequence and bling that opened themselves to a whole new world. A world I am falling head over heals for, even though, it looks, oh so familiar. How wonderful to look at things from a fresh, new perspective. Thank you. I love it!

2012 showed me who my friends are, how much my family means to me (not that I didn't know, but I took them for granted- don't deny it, you do it too!), how much a daily hug from my kid means more than any material possession I could ever desire. This year gave me so much, so much, that even those packages that come wrapped in negative, yet glittery and attractive paper, were gifts that taught me the lessons I needed to learn.

As much as it pains me to say good bye to some of the memories of 2012, I must. It's OK. Memories remain and while I have to remind myself that I cannot dwell on them, I am glad they represent beautiful events, people, and places that will be with me forever. They have been part of a most significant year in my life.

Dearest 2012, I do now, honestly, and whole-heartedly thank you. I am ready for the new year and what it will bring. A smile carves my face as I type this, for the anticipation of what is to come, in whatever shape it does come, brings a smile to my face. If my aunt was sitting here, she'd know what smile I am talking about. It's the fun, sneaky one! The one that makes you think I am keeping some secret from the rest of you. A delicious secret that only I know and will enjoy until it's time to share it with the world. I am in a good place. I have learned to let go of those things I can't control- even though, I wish I could- and enjoy what it is here, in my reach, now.

Don't feel bad, 2012. What happened had to happen. There was no choice and so we move on. Last week I went to see "Les Miserables" and the one line that keeps serenading my mind, like a daily prayer comes from Jean Valjean, in his hour of redemption..."you gave me hope, when hope was gone; you gave me strength to journey on..." and so hope fills my daily and faith-filled prayer for the new year. A prayer I share with you all. May hope and excitement for what is to come in 2013 fill your lives, as well as bring you blessings and happiness, always.

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