Is it that bad to know what you want? Is it wrong to be ambitious and goal oriented when part of you knows there are certain things you won't be able to achieve? I don't know. I don't think so. I hope not. That might be the answer, I guess, but I really don't know. It seems that the daily prayer, the mantra, or motto-whatever we want to call the instant replay reminder, I for one, must hear in my head every day, often more than once, or twice, or three times a day- gets louder, clearer each time.
How do I properly and justly explain what my mantra, my prayer is? Humor me as I take a stab at it.
Be patient, everything will be OK. Patient... be patient. That is certainly one that I know others may say to themselves, might attempt to gain more, or to learn to be, just patient.
Yes, say hello to the most impatient person in the world! I stand in line to get my coffee, and goodness, why is it that the baristas must be in full TMI detailed conversation mode from the night before when my peppermint mocha needs to be brewed? Never mind that I have a whole 20 minutes before I need to be at work and Starbucks is only 3 minutes away. LOL! I know, I am a mess! :)
The planner in me is also so high maintenance I don't leave for my trip for two weeks but TODAY I tried on three possible outfits to wear Christmas eve. Yes, my bags are almost packed- on the floor, neatly piled. Do I have time? Of course, but why not start planning now. That way I don't have to worry about it at the last minute. I am so not last minute, yet when I work on a tight deadline, I am ON, I focus, I get it done and done well! Random, I am, master Yoda.
What I am rambling about again? Oh yes, knowing what I want, not being patient and planning things out so pathetically precised, it makes Franklyn Covey want MY 7 steps program. Actually, it's more like 3 steps: plan, plan and yes, plan.
Hold the phone! This is what I do and I am fully aware of it, BUT and that is a BIG BUT (hehehehe, c'mon, admit it, you smiled), the more days go by, the more I actually think about it, in the middle of the planning and obsessing of things to come, I stop, think, and force myself to breathe. I take a deep breath, make sure God knows I am trying to be patient, and say "be patient, everything will be OK."
Last year I went to see the cutest, made for the over 55 and retiree, British flick, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." While the movie is clearly meant for those a generation older than mine, I loved it. All the characters were experiencing life changes and life changes are timeless, ageless. The best line in the movie is "Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it is not yet the end." So what? If that doesn't teach you to be patient and open to things to come, then I don't know what will.
Are we the fools for believing and hoping and praying and making wishes at night before we go to bed, or on our birthdays before we blow out the candles? Or are we fools for having very specific ambitions, goals and making plans for our careers, families and life without flexibility, slightly dusted with powdered dreams that may never come true?
I don't have the answers for everything. As I type this, the voice tells me to repeat the mantra, the prayer, the wish I wish for every day... "Be patient. Everything will be OK." Patience, waiting. Such an advent"y" reflection when I was not intentionally planning (no pun intended!) on writing about advent. I guess we all have to be patient about something. We all have to wait for someone to come into our lives for whatever reason; something to happen at work in order for us to feel we are working for the right reason; a holiday to come so we can spend it with loved ones; a call, a text, a dinner date. We are all waiting, and so we must be patient. I must be patient. Life still happens; things will come.
For now I sit here, savoring the smells of Christmas that are coming from the kitchen, from the living room, and close my eyes. I take a deep breath and promise myself to be patient, to take one day at a time, and while I giggle at my silly ways of figuring out how many pairs of shoes can I pack for a week-long's trip, I stop and say... "everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it is not yet the end." ;)