Today's conversation with God includes the usual raised head and stare into the blue (OK, gray) sky, shaking my head in a combination of marvel and pure dumbstruckness -- I might have just invented a word. ;) I feel dumbstruck or maybe just numb attempting to process thoughts and feelings from the last 48-72 hours.
Many friends and acquaintances have posted "Why?" I believe they were having a similar conversation with the boss upstairs. We all wonder why certain things happen. Why do they happen to us? Why do they happen to them? Why does a person have the need to be rude? Mean? Put another person down... Why? Why does a friend, young mother of two little ones, wife and role model, die prematurely? Why does a person or persons feel the need to hurt others?
There are so many possible answers to the questions above. Reasons to explain the "why's." I certainly am not in a position to answer any of them. That is not my job. The questions I can answer are the ones that I can control. The questions I can answer, I do with the right tools: attitude, education, loyalty and commitment. I can answer the phone when it rings. I can go to my kid when he needs me. I can pick my battles at work to make the best of a situation. I can celebrate the blessings and gifts in my life. I can change what I have wronged. I can ask for forgiveness. I can say I love you when my heart aches to say it, but my voice (and my head) stops me. I can celebrate my friend that died yesterday. I can hug my cousin when I see her later tonight. I can say nothing.
There are things we can't control, but those we can, let's, shall we? However, let's control them for the good; the good of our community, the good of our family and friends, the good of the world. Good is so much more powerful than fear, hate and envy.
Today's entry (and I realize I owed you all one!) is about just that: Today, this very moment and what is in my mind. Processing losses, generosity, challenges, friendships and betrayals is hard, but you know what? I accept what I can control and what I can't, so be it. Simple... Well, easier said than done. No, it's not easy. We've had this conversation before. We take the events of the last few days, whatever those were, process and heal--only what you/I can control. But don't forget, it's OK if you can't... is what you CAN control that makes all the difference.