David Lee Roth v. Sammy Hagar

In pondering the thought provoking invitation to consider, and also choose which lead singer better suits the infamous rock band, Van Halen,  my conclusion follows.

David Lee Roth, crazy hair, sexy, deep voiced and quite the fun-loving boy represents the youth and discovery years, which for me, were the beginning of my love for MTV, et al. 1984 is probably one of the best albums that represent the 80s generation x's early appreciation of videos and long hair! ;)

While fans had to deal witn the fact that DLR was far too focused on his own ego by becoming "Just a Gigolo", he was somebody and gave us a treat in his solo albums, including introducing a new generation to "California Girls" - thanks Dave. ;)

In comes Sammy Hagar... a raspy voiced,  pseudo beach-bum that could easily pass as a permanent resident of Margaritaville. He also can't drive 55.... but we give me a chance. 

Numbers, numbers, I hate numbers,  and what do we get: 5150. The sound sounds similar... a familiar tone, beautifully married to the sounds of Eddie's electric guitar.  Again, Sammy's raspy voice serenades the hard core fans to "What can't this be love"  and I'm entranced. Next thing you know, I ask for the LP for my birthday. Then.... I discovered "Dreams" and that cemented my role as a fan.

In conclusion.... both singers were perfect for the band at the time they were members...in fhe height of their original  and complimentary popularity. However, to me, DLR represents the young Van Halen, jumping and being  hot for teacher. Sammy is the slightly more mature Van Halen,  giving to us a glimpse of hope, love and dreams, deeper and more meaningful than a spring break in Panama.

My choice is clear... I hope. ;)

2014, it's been real... really.

Perhaps one of my favorite places to spend time at is a coffee shop. In between student counseling sessions, I pause to check Facebook. Everyone posts on how today is the last day of 2014, the last page of the book that is that last year in our lives, and reminders of the opportunity that tomorrow will bring: a new year begins, a new book to start writing the epic novel that is life; a blank canvas to paint a colorful image morphed into something stemmed from our minds and thoughts...

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right??

Here's my third December 31, new year's eve post on my blog.  All three might sound the same if you flip back and read, but I can guarantee one thing: I am not the same person. And that is OK.

This year, 2014, has been quite fascinating. Yes, fascinating is the first word that came to mind. The word is appropriate because it can be both equally, shimmering in all things positive as well as the challenging. Of course, by challenging, I embrace challenges as lessons, needed as they are at first rejected.  Bring them on, for that is how we learn and be better; how I learn and become a better version of myself.

Along with the given (NOT to be taken for granted) blessings in my life, my loved ones and family, my friends, old and new, the year brought with it a reminder of who I am, who I have always been and who I am meant to be. It was a great reminder, that while it may have come with a tiny bit of pain, it has been worth it...

So, what did I remember I had not quite forgotten, but appreciated a reminder about?? ;)
I am in love with education, higher education to be exact. I need intellectual stimulation, so knowledge, you will be nurtured more. I am passionate about sharing my knowledge and experiences with others, students, adults, whoever. I put others' needs before mine and (as the reminder, reminded me) got a little sick along the way... No bueno! ;) Got over it, moving on. Like I wrote on my 40th birthday, it's OK to be a little self-caring at times, and it is NOT being selfish if you need to take care of yourself in other to take care of others. Caso Cerrado!

Careers shifted, passions reignited and risks are being taken. I am a heart-felt, emotional piece of Puerto Ricanness that will NOT omit my natural "me" regardless of where I live and where I work. While I am a careful and meticulous planner, I stepped out my comfort zone and decided to take one day at a time... OMG, it's oh so scary, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I had grown content, complacent and, dare I admit, jaded. That's NOT me. Life is for living, as my Camp Horizons boss always said... Every day is a gift. Every day brings new challenges and blessings, equally...  The question is and will always be... how will I react and handle them?

PAUSE if you need a break if this post turns overly positive. Sorry, but I am not sorry. Positive is what I am, is how I feel and how I need to face the rest of my days, NO MATTER what 2015, or any new day, year, may bring. Is it easy? Hell no. The truth is I HAVE NO CHOICE. Yes, we have a choice in how we react to actions, words, circumstances. My choice is not to have a choice but be positive. I make a promise to you, the world, the Universe and to all that is holy, to face whatever this year brings with the best attitude possible and to channel thoughts through the tunnel of love.  Why?
Why not....

I wish the same to you all.... Let this year be the most positive year, wherever we are, whatever we do, whoever we are. Happy 2015!

Thoughts...

My first post, a little over two years ago, was all about processing a million thoughts in my head. It seems there's a massive gathering of people all wanting my attention at the same time. Hmm, it looks as if this year's meeting is taking place whether I like it or not, when I so politely declined the invitation to attend...  Right.

The colorful array of thoughts represent different types of people. Those in attendance represent the "to-do list" or the mom-types, smothering, controlling, loving tough. Others are the overly-emotional, letting the heart sucker-punch the mind so emotions can flow (too much at times), just to turn around and allow the mind to embrace it with thoughts of fear and worry. In comes the confident, no-nonsense "I am stronger than this" thought, as the peace maker. Her voice trying to speak firm, but kindly and loud enough she can be heard and hopefully, bring consensus to this gathering. In the corner, the intellectual stands quietly observing what's going on, analyzing, assessing the situation to see if the heart and the mind, the most powerful vessels of thoughts can agree to disagree. And move on.

Think of these types of thoughts, as member chapters representing the different thoughts that mosey on into our minds when something happened, happens or is about to happen.  Each chapter has over 50 members. Quite crowded for my mind... ;) but what can we, I, do about it? Can I attempt to be diplomatic and ask them to find another mind to clutter, especially, before 4:00 a.m. Sigh... Well, let's take a stab at this...

It's the holiday season. Christmas is coming. Advent to some of us, Catholics, is a time to wait, anticipate the "good news" to come in the shape of a baby. A new life, a new hope, a new future. Ok, yeah, we know that. What about the now, and the million thoughts in my head fighting for my attention, right here? Right now. What does that have to do with all of this?  --- Queue thoughts talking to themselves- in my head. ;)

"We need to do our best to take one thing at a time. To speak, one at a time; be heard, listened to, one at a time. There's no need to worry --yes, I am looking at you, worrier--  take one thing at time and accept that what you see is what you get. If it's not there, if it hasn't happened, don't worry. If you don't hear it, see it, it's OK. Some things are meant to just be... so let it go. Each and everyone of us is causing anxiety by fighting for room in Jess' mind. We need to know our boundaries. We need to cut her a little slack and tone it down a notch. Perhaps, mom-type, relax a bit, while staying firm about the kid's school year. It's slowly getting better. We know you care about that, but relax.

No-nonsense and intellectual decide to work together and to ease the job situation and enable Jess to take advantage of the here and now, go with the flow and see where the universe will lead. Enjoy the time, the present, for it may not be as flexible in the future. And even if there's too much of it and you feel like you need to stay busy, that's OK. This time is yours and yours alone. Use it wisely."

The heart (thoughts) and the mind (thoughts) were staring at each other, like a duel at high noon where cowboys were locked in sight, sweating pouring down their faces waiting to see who would shoot first.  The room went silent. Jess' mind quiet for the first time in at least a month. Waiting.

The mind held its hand up like asking for truce. Walked straight up to the heart and said it was sorry. The heart just listened. Said nothing. "I am so sorry for cluttering your judgment and taking advantage of your sensitivity. My negative side wanted to camp out, and stay. So much has happened and since you always win, I wanted to one-up you. I promise to let my positive side take over and allow you to be who you are, and if you allow me, help you channel emotions rationally and not as emotionally as usual. I am not perfect, but I will do my best to protect you from my negative side, especially now, at Christmas. This is my promise and my renewal to you."

The heart, stunned at what she had heard, responded in a calm, collected manner when let's admit it, everyone expected the tears to flow, like a waterfall in Niagara.

"Thank you. I appreciate everything you do for me. I am sorry for allowing the unnecessary stress come between us. We need to work together. To better communicate and to understand where each of us is coming from. I have allowed you to come into Jess' mind and forget I am here. I am not saying you can't come in at all, on the contrary. Please do, let's sit by the fire. But, I am glad you said your negative side will not overpower your positive side. It has devastating consequences and the fact is that I am frail. I think we all are, where the heart is concerned. However, don't underestimate my power, for I come from a line of folks that are all heart, and while we need to tone-it down and control the intensity of our blood-pumping power, we must protect Jess and not over do it. My promise to you is to stay in check. Not to change who I am and how I function, but to be more aware and balance the emotion part of our partnership. Key word is partnership. I am also not perfect and I know when I have to say I am sorry. I am whole-heartedly - chuckle for pun ;) - sorry for doing my own thing and not letting you join in the conversation, even if we agree to disagree. I will from now on allow you to be part of the conversation and decision making process for Jess, as long as it's your positive side. I will listen and respect where you are coming from. I will beat strong and loving for you, for our partnership. This is my renewal and promise to you."

And with that, all thoughts looks at each other and together left the cluttered space that was my mind for peaceful flows of fresh air to breeze through...

Wow, folks, I've been up since 3:30 a.m. I haven't had my coffee (catastrophic GASP!!!!) but I am wide away, and I am OK. Thank you for allowing me to help my many thoughts chill for a bit, and express themselves. They were too loud and they needed a time-out. Funny, as I am processing everything I wrote, I realized, all they needed was probably to be listened to. I gave them space, a little attention by putting them into writing so I can let them go... and flow and move on.

It is the holiday season. Indeed a time for renewal, to be grateful. A time for patience in the middle of stress, reflection and pause in the midst of uncertainty. But most of all, it is a time of hope, faith and love. I have asked my thoughts, all different types of thoughts, from emotional to rational, that moving forward they always remember this conversation they had with each other and the consensus they came to. Their promise to work together in hope, faith and love... May we all have the blessing and opportunity to pause and reflect, assess what's going on in our lives, learn from it and move on in hope, faith and love...

Half an hour more and Starbucks opens... ;) Have a wonderful day.

Simple nudges we can't take for granted...

Simple nudges we can't take for granted...

T'was February 1998 and while the cast ate, not an eye I found staring, not even my date....

LOL, I crack myself up. That's it for the "Night Before Christmas" reference, for this Rican will admit not knowing how the rest goes... just thought it was fun to start that way.

Anyway, what happened February 1998, was pretty cool, at least for me. My cast of 160 plus people, were either enjoying dinner, doing a last sound and light check on stage, getting their make-up and hair done or signing up on the following day's bus date schedule. UP WITH PEOPLE reference for you, mere mortals, you haven't had the blessing, pleasure and honor to know and be part of this amazing organization that gave me the world and so much more...

While all that was swiftly taking place, I snuck out and ran.  The show was to start about an hour and half later, and I didn't feel like eating dinner. I wanted to work out. Hmmm, where to go. We are in a high school, somewhere in Florida, and for obvious reasons I didn't have access to the students' gym.
Alas, I went outside and saw the track, and jackpot! The gate was open. I began my sprint...

For all who've known me for years may see that if there's a remote physical resemblance to my mother now, it was never there when I was little. I was chubby and I knew it... I was chubby and I was told, over and over and over again. En español, "ay, estas goooorda." Well, after those awkward years of 12-14 came high school, then college... and the freshman 15, or what it 50? Ask my roommates.

Why write about this? Simple, I am not gorda anymore, but the sting of the comments when I was growing up lingered. This is not an entry about eating disorders or joining the track team. The lesson I want to share is, be kind and watch what and how you say things when addressing another person, your loved one, a child.

Eventually, I had to learn to tune out negative comments and make peace with me and who I am, I got over it. Unfortunately, as I grew out of the "taking it in the face" stage and began to defend myself, at times, even explain myself,  and didn't always watch how I was saying what I was saying. I have learned to watch what I say, when I say what I have to say... tongue twisted already? ;) In other words, think a little bit harder before we, I speak.

My son, as a pre-adolescent, hormones out of whack, but magnificent, big-hearted boy, reminds me, "No offence, Mama, but you need to zip it"--- that's when I know I have said enough, or perhaps, I have said something in a way I shouldn't. Thanks, kid, for in the midst of juggling so many balls in the air, the main one labeled "speak from a place of love" slips and I have to quickly find my own balance in order to keep the juggling going.

Back to running... I now have developed an interest and actually, enjoy, a sprint or a jog on almost a daily basis. I do it for my health. I do it because it keeps me fit and I do it because I feel GREAT afterwards, actually happy. There are no plans to join a club, or gym, or to run a marathon anytime soon. My body responds well to this and it shows.

All of this relates, mind you. The running helps me stay in shape and my ticker ticking. I feel good, and I look good. It makes me happy and others around me see it, actually benefit from it. ;) Recently, I was TOLD, you "need" to go for your run... ;)  AND all was well afterwards.

Turning 40 has been more eye opening than just adding more anti-wrinkle cream to my maintenance routine. It's been only a month and a day since I began this new decade, which I have stated before, is regarded as the best for women!!! Already I have been reminded of love, friendship, family, and so many blessings to be grateful for. It also has pinched and nudged me not to raise my voice when it is unnecessary, to be patient and not to worry so much about little things that may be little to everyone, except to me, and to always, always speak from a place of love, even when what I am facing a challenge. Another great reminder, which never hurts to hear, is that if a mistake is made, a cruel word is spoken or in an unloving way, own it and apologize and speak from a place of love. Never take for granted those who stand by you, who love you and tell you. They are still around because they do care, for reals. :)

We've dwelled enough... The lesson is simple and a positive one. Well, maybe two lessons braided into one: do what it takes to feel good, healthy, and happy, for it will only allow you to love, act, BE and speak in love. 

Fabulous, Forty on a Friday!!

Well, here it is... the long- awaited milestone I have been prepping for quite some time. I wake up thanks to a distant, familiar sounding noise that quickly brings a smile to my face... a personalized ring tone from the keeper of my heart, singing a lovely rendition of "Las Mañanitas!"  Smile...

Debating on how to approach this post, and realizing that I hadn't posted since my stress-induced visit to the cardiac doc, all I can think of writing about is how thankful I am of where I am today, right here, right now... mentally, emotionally, spiritually, mind you. Physical presence, I have learned the last few years, is just that... physical.

I chuckle while memories flash in my head, like a movie playing highlighting the most important moments, made up of lessons from the past decade... Here are some of them, a summary if you will, wrapped in what I took from each of them in order to get to now, to this morning, on my 40th birthday.

At 30, I looked at my life with rose-colored glasses and all was good... My two year old boy was my reason to be... Lesson: Self-less love

At 31,  recalling telling friends "it's all down hill from now"; feeling eerie about looming changes in the air and was part of a daily struggle, but I kept on... Lesson: face confusion and uncertainty head on.

At 32, big changes, big moves and a re-kindled love for everything teaching and educating helps redefine me. Lesson: Flexibility and possibility.

At 33, slowly, a veil starts to lift to help me see many things clearer.  Lesson: Accept those for who they are not matter how it may affect you directly.

At 34, crossroads and more decisions to make. Lesson: Never burn a bridge professionally when your heart tells you not to, even if people do.

At 35, disappointed with reality and situations, low point and lonely. Lesson: GO HOME for Christmas! ;)

At 36, new paths are approaching and professional development takes the front seat, while enabling opportunities for the kiddo and for me. Lesson: If you are intuitive and you know it, LISTEN to your gut, it will NEVER fail you. And if you don't... listen to the 9 yr old... he can be very wise in his short stature, like Yoda. ;)

At 37, some walls come down, the heart beats a bit faster, yet uncertain of the reason. Optical illusions shaped as walls that used to become doors and be wide open for me to enter before, don't; no one answers. Lesson: No matter how many times you knock on some walls, they never turned into doors. Get the hint. MOVE ON! 

At 38, the heart beats again, the child grows more independent and the simpler things in life take the front seat in the adventure called life. A newly rekindled love affair with a campfire burns and memories of the outdoors, the ocean come rushing back practically scolding me for almost forgetting them in the vault labeled as "memories of the life you should have according to everything except you." Lesson: Embrace those memories and use that voice to speak the truth in love and life, even if some people don't  appreciate where you are coming from.

At 39, new blessings in my life, personally; new challenges professionally. Both pushing me in a direction more clearer, straightforward and transparent than ever before. Decisions taken to make the best of situations, regardless of what the situation is...I am who I am...who God made me, and I won't apologize for that. I have a mission on this Earth to fulfill and I am ready. Lesson: Be honest with yourself and let God take some of the stress off your shoulders.. have faith and keep on.

Finally, I look back at the last few weeks, specifically, now that I celebrate turning the big 4-0, I am grateful for... friends and family who have been there for me, NO MATTER WHAT, cheering me on, while being loving and challenging at the same time. For those who I have struggled with, professionally and personally... I apologize for the misunderstandings; they meant to harm. Truthfully, the person I need to forgive is  myself, for in some of those misunderstandings, I was too hard on me when it was not necessary. I release all of that into divine love and gratitude...

Thank you life for the lessons... thank you for the good times, but especially for the lessons. They have made me a better person, open, loving, patient (that should bring a chuckle to some!;)).

Forty, you come on a Friday and it will be Fabulous.

Eat, pray, love... be happy, just do it!

Another month goes by and I come closer to 40! It's coming, looming around the corner, when in my mind I still think I am a few years younger. Yes, I do feel like I am closer to 30, not 40, except for the much needed extra dose of anti-wrinkle cream and lower back pain. It's OK, if all else fails, I will spend a lovely evening happy hour with my besties from UD, AND a few days later, spend a glorious week at home with my loves.

If all else fails... Hmmm, "all" better not fail, as I quickly shush the negative thought in my mind and replace it with "IT ALL will work out for the BEST!"

The last few months have been trying, I will not sugarcoat it. A jump on an opportunity to challenge and educate me has turned into daily soul-sucking, stress induced chaos, with no leadership, vision. The misleading red flags so obvious since the beginning, now flow in my face, mocking my idealistic and Pollyanna-ish "it's just me, it'll be all be fine" optimism.  With time, I told myself every morning, after a prayer of thanksgiving and gratitude for all I have, "it's just me, it'll all be fine."

Well, fast forward to yesterday, as I have to make an abrupt turn into Urgent Care before being sent to the ER for chest pains. The pressure was unbearable, and unfortunately, becoming a reoccurring incident, culminating in making a decision: fix it, do something about it, now, instead of hearing my voice, again,  whisper "it's just me, it'll all be fine."  Really, when? When the panic attack actually becomes the real deal? I don't think so... Life, MY life, is mine and mine only to treasure, guard with all my power and protect against the crazies that try to create unwanted drama and chaos around me.

Admittedly, I could have done a better job at wearing my bullet proof vest more often. I should have spoken up earlier--that's a tiny, little pattern I am working on-- and put a stop at the ludicrous behavior around me that can only be credited with providing sleepless nights and mood swings. Booo, I don't like myself like that. YUCK, I sound like other people I know. NO, I refuse to be like that or to turn into that person.

Health update: it's not cardiac, it's all, ALL, 100% stress related, which caused the anxiety/panic attack. Remedy: decompress...  Easier said than done, right? How many of you have been told the same thing by your family doctor, or therapist, spouse, best friend. I wish I could just take a month off... do people even do that? ;)

Well, I am starting with baby steps... and a good talking to by friends and family that remind me (especially when I feel like I am facing the world alone) that I am loved and appreciated. Prayer and meditation have been true blessings. Time heals everything, so I decided to also be patient (ha, that's a joke for those who know me!) and take one day at a time.

None of this I learned overnight as I put into practice my newly prescribed recipe for de-stressing. I have been blessed with resources, mostly in person, along with some books and tools to help with stress...

Without going on and on with this entry, I will highlight perhaps a book that has defined a turning point in my "self-care" discovery. "Eat, Pray, Love"  has been described as a woman's life's story from a very selfish and self-centered point of view. Well, newsflash, call me selfish and self-centered.

In a way, the hard way, the painful way, I have had to learn how to take care of me, myself, my soul, my heart, so I can be the smart, loving, professional, spiritual and faith-filled woman I have become. It does not come naturally, and it's not easy at times. My point is that in the novel, Liz gives everything up to go on a journey of self-discovery in order to self-care and heal. Throughout it, she learned to forgive and by forgiving others, she forgave herself for being too hard on her own self. Aren't we sometimes too hard on ourselves? Don't we criticize our looks, our skills (or lack thereof) our reactions to circumstances??  We must STOP. We need to love ourselves, and like ourselves, and laugh at ourselves, and appreciate all that makes us ourselves, US. :) When we master that art of self-love the revelation: we are all special and unique in our ways and being at peace, living in peace and in Divine Order, chaos and drama will slide off ourselves and not penetrate the shell of love that surrounds us. I am working on it.. can't wait. :)

It's late and I have homework to do (no, really, I do!)... but the best part is that it has everything to do with my passion, love and commitment to working with students in their journey to becoming professionals. That makes me happy...I "eat, pray, and love" - hehehe- working with students.

I have gone on quite a journey as I come closer to reaching the 40 milestone... and I look forward to the next 40 by finally realizing that self-care is not selfish or self-centered, it's nourishing of heart, body and soul AND, it's survival . Go out and eat, pray and love... be happy! :)

PS. Nothing is more important that your own inner peace and happiness. ;)

For love of the game... ;)

Apparently the first week in September, not only symbolizes the start of fall, Labor Day quickly remind those of us who reside in the good ol' US of A, that summer is over, but also that our summer TV routines, or lack there of, will now change. Catastrophic isn't it? Depends on how you look at it...

According to every other TV and radio ad/commercial and your Facebook newsfeed, disrespectfully saturated by status reports from friends, who aren't really friends, because what they are telling the world about is none other than the mere fact that football season is upon us...

Pause for dramatic reaction, which in my case, is silent... or perhaps, more along the lines of a womp womp.

Sorry, dears. I know, I know, the pigskin lovin', gridiron testosterone induced man-handling, is quite entertaining. Don't get me wrong, I have had to sit myself down and attempt to figure out what the point is.

After many attempts to follow wholeheartedly, I give up, while still smiling. The reason for the smile is to see and witness the unexplainable joy in the fan's face. At times it's my former roommates, my aunt or other friends who simply love a good football game. Me? Well, meh... I am content with celebrating vicariously through my friends' eyes and when it comes to football, that's enough for me...

Of course, disclaimer follows. Many of you may agree and feel the same way I feel about football. However, perhaps others among you would agree with my sentiments, say, about baseball or basketball. GASP. How can that be? LOL  Well, bring it on. Thank goodness, we all have the liberty to choose to root for and become the no. 1 fan team or sport X ever had. 

As long as I can remember, I have loved baseball. If any of you out there ever need someone to go to a game with or don't mind the often annoying sound of my voice when I yell at the TV (yes, I am holler at the TV kind-a girl), I am your gal. Hit me up and it will be fun, even if it's watching it on TV. From the 1986 Mets, to the 1998-99 Yankees, on to the Colorado Rockies, now "home" to St. Louis and my Cardinals, and a new found rising star in Toronto, our Japanese friend Kawasaki--if you have not done so, watch on YouTube interviews with Kawasaki. He is hilarious! For as long as I can remember, I have loved baseball. :)

From the rising excitement of spring training, to Opening Day, and holiday fireworks, to All Star Games and home run derbies, infield fly balls and double plays. From managers' hand signals and gestures, to tobacco chewing pitchers, Tim McCarvers and Keith Hernandez, sigh - first crush, a girl can't help herself. May we all enjoy a 7th inning stretch as this summer comes to an end and remember the days of pop corn, hotdogs and Bud Light, pretzels and peanuts, and cracker jacks. Let's root, root, root for the home team...

And, with a loud and obvious duh... as a proud, born and raised Puerto Rican, may the spirit of Roberto Clemente, who would have turned 80 this year, live on in the lives of our players who make us proud every day on and off the field.

So, football... come on, take over fall as you should. We get it. However, this girl loves her summer sport, maybe just like the next, and will patiently observe how the season ends and post-season fun begins. I haven't rooted too loud this summer, but that doesn't mean I was not watching.

PS. I will write about basketball and college hoops, my other favorite team sport where my commentary can provide as much entertainment from the bleachers (or the living room, or bar, or restaurant) as the players can on the court. ;)